Don't Wake Me Up
by soymilkandcombatboots
Summary: Elsa's life used to be completely ordinary. That is, until a fated visit to the hospital. Maybe it was a curse, when her life took a turn for the terrifying, or maybe a blessing. A blessing because of the sleeping girl with auburn hair that would change her life forever. At least... the remainder of her life. (AU, rating has changed for language and adult themes)
1. Chapter 1: Shock

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter One: Shock

Life is a journey. An arduous, demanding, exciting and joyful journey. Some journeys start from the moment you are born, others don't start until you have the courage to defy the natural of order of things. And the goal of each journey is ultimately the same: to find oneself.

My journey started in not the most promising of places: in a hospital bed.

The day before my life really began was quite a rainy one. I was sitting on the window seat of my apartment, snuggled up in a couple of warm blankets, reading the dog-eared pages of a book. Having spent my whole life in sunny Southern California, I always took advantage of my time in the rain by staring at it longingly from the comfort of the indoors through a windowpane.

Pretty lame, I know. Getting soaked to the skin just didn't do it for me, though. I definitely preferred the snow.

Taking a sip of hot cocoa from one hand, I ran my spindly fingers over the smooth pages with the other, basking in the calm clarity that reading brought to me. I took a deep breath and tapped the backs on my fingernails against the glass of the window, synchronizing them with the refreshing _tap, tap, tap_ of the rain on the pavement outside.

"ELSA!" My brother's booming voice erupted from down the hall, pulling me from my stupor. Too lazy to form any coherent words to answer him, I hummed through my teeth, "Mmhm?"

He peaked his head in the doorway to my room and pushed himself tentatively inside. In comparison to my tiny room, he was a hulking, blonde giant. Next to my petite build, we looked practically nothing alike. "Do you need to use the car today?" He asked quietly, forcing his eyes to the ground, clearly hoping my answer would be no.

"Yeah I need it to get to skating practice." His face fell to a discouraged frown. I hesitated, feeling sorry for dashing his hopes for whatever plans he had made. "But you can just drop me off if you want." I smiled encouragingly. "As long as you promise to remember to pick me up…this time." I said with a dry humor in my voice, recalling the many times he had forgotten obligations to pick me up from my classes or work.

He laughed and nodded eagerly. "Thanks, sis."

"Anytime, Kris." I smiled. "We'll leave in about ten minutes, is that ok?"

"Sounds good!" he hollered behind himself, practically skipping out of the room.

It was always such a give and take with Kristoff. I mean, it kind of had to be. Three years prior, our parents had passed away in a nasty car wreck when a drunk driver ran a red light and t-boned their car. Being the oldest, even if by only a year, I was forced to be the strong one. The one to suck it up and move on. And the one who didn't have time for grief and mourning because I had to take the family reigns and support my little brother in every way possible. Three years later, I still felt the need to go easy on him.

The car ride to the rink was doused in Kris' classic rock blasting from the crappy speakers. I wasn't really paying attention, though. I was too busy focusing on the rain droplets as they raced each other down the car window.

"Have a good practice," he told me as he pulled up to the curb.

"I'll see you back here at four o'clock sharp, right?" I asked him, lifting my eyebrows to emphasize the point.

He raised his hand to his temple and saluted me military style. "Yes ma'am," he said before hugging me goodbye.

I reveled in how empty the rink was as I strapped on my Riedell skates, lacing them up as tight as I could. The release I felt when I took my first step out onto the ice was like no other. Skating felt like flying to me. It was the sort of sensation that made me forget all the tragedy I faced and the responsibility that constantly weighed upon my shoulders.

At least, that's how it usually felt. After about ten minutes of warming up, my head started to spin. A migraine waned its way into the right side of my head and progressed to the bridge of my nose. Determined not to let this affect my practice, however, I went in for my first jump of the day.

_THUD._ I landed hip first on the ice and had the wind knocked out of me. Trying to catch my breath, I sat up and started feeling even woozier. The more I tried to move, the more my body was drained of energy. That was when my migraine spread across to my entire head and my vision darkened. Starting to panic, I tried to get back up onto my skates, but to no avail.

The last thing I remember before passing out was how cold the ice felt on my bare palms and the soft pitter patter of the rain from outside.

I woke up the next morning in that fated hospital bed.

It took a lot of effort to get my eyes open, like someone had taped them shut. The first ray of dull light that hit my eyes stung mercilessly on my corneas. I squinted and blinked, trying to get a good look at my surroundings. I could still hear rain outside, but it was almost completely drowned out by the slow and steady beeping coming from my heart monitor. I tried to turn over further, but the needle in my arm seared with pain, making me very aware of how confined I was.

Beside me in this foreign environment sat my brother, asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position in the small chair next to my bed. "Kris," my voice barely rasped out. I cleared my throat. "Kristoff!"

"Wha-huh?" He said, startled awake. "Elsa, you're awake! Oh thank goodness." He grabbed my hand and pressed the nurse call button. His smile quickly faded into a weary look, as if he knew what I was about to ask.

"What happened? Why am I here?" I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to calm my head, which still felt like it was spinning. Yet again, that might have been the effect of whatever they were giving my through the IV.

"You feinted at the rink yesterday and an ambulance brought you here. The doctor said he would be running some blood tests, but they still don't know what's wrong."

"Oh don't do the sad puppy dog thing with your eyes. I'm probably fine!" I said, trying to reassure him, but not so confident myself. "I must have just not eaten enough yesterday or something."

He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by an incoming nurse.

"Oh sweetie! Good to know you are awake!" she said in an overly cheery tone. She was so sickeningly happy, just looking at her felt like I had eaten too much warm frosting. "Good timing too, the doctor has your test results and he will be in momentarily."

She stood there just smiling at us for a good thirty seconds before realizing that neither of us was in the mood to respond. "Well alright then, can I get you anything?"

I shook my head, mustering up the energy to curl half of my mouth into a smile. "No, thanks."

"Ring if you do." She said as she walked towards the door. She paused, though, remembering something suddenly and said "we don't have much available room, so you are going to have to share your room with someone who was just admitted. I hope you don't mind." Not wanting to wait awkwardly for another answer, she left us alone.

A few minutes later, hospital attendants rolled another bed in and set up a heart monitor and IV drip for an unmoving form. From what I could see, it was a red-haired girl who appeared to be peacefully at rest. Her face was so calm and beautiful; it looked as if she was posing for a magazine cover about sleep or something. What was surprising though, is that when they picked her up to change her pillowcase, she was still limp in the attendant's arms.

"Is she in a coma?" Kristoff asked before I had the chance to do so myself.

"Sadly, yes." Was all the attendant said before leaving us with this mysterious girl in a coma.

Moments later, a stern looking, thin man with salt-and-pepper hair entered the room in scrubs and held a clipboard tightly to his chest. "Hi, I'm Doctor Denove," He said as he firmly shook our hands. "I see you have met your suitemate, Anna." He gestured towards the redhead.

Bringing his clipboard out in front of him, he said, "I'm afraid the news I'm about to give you isn't good at all."

My breath hitched in my throat. Kris grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"The tests I ran came back with an unusually high white blood cell count."

I tried to remember from high school biology what it meant when the ratio of red to white blood cells was off. It had been years since I learned it though. _Damn me for being a liberal arts major_, I thought to myself.

"What does that mean?" Kristoff demanded, worry seeping into his gruff demeanor.

"I'm sorry to say that it means you have Acute Myeloid Leukemia."

"Cancer." Kristoff said in utter disbelief under his breath.

My heart stopped.


	2. Chapter 2: Denial

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Two: Denial

_This sucks ass_. I stared at the blank wall, bored out of my mind. After about half an hour of trying to find something on TV, I gave up and opted for a nap.

But sleep didn't come.

Which was understandable, I guess, considering the state my conscious was in. It was quite a thing to grapple with, cancer.

I kept running the previous day over and over in my mind, hoping to find some clarity.

_The doctor had told us that the type of leukemia I had was the result of abnormal white blood cells blocking regular cell production in my bone marrow. "Now, of course, chemotherapy is an option," he said solemnly._

_I cringed at the thought of losing my hair, as it had always been my best quality. At least, it was the only physical quality I prided myself on. I always thought my lips were to thin, my nose was too small, and the shape of my face was overly angular. My hair, though? Couldn't live without that._

_"But in my professional opinion, I think your specific case calls for a Hematopoietic stem cell transplant." He looked at us and raised his eyebrows, waiting for someone to interject, but only silence followed. I guess Kris and I just weren't the interrupting type._

_He went on, "the transplant has a better chance of sending the cancer into remission and making sure it stays dormant."_

_"Whatever will get her better, Doctor Denove." Kristoff's face was determined and completely serious, but there was desperation in his voice. I could tell that he was trying his damnedest to stay strong for me._

_I grabbed my brother's hand, trying to let him know without words that he shouldn't worry so much about me._

_"If you think that's the best option," I told the doctor, "then by all means..."_

_"Good." Doctor Denove finally lifted his stern mouth into a smile. "We will keep you here for another week or so to monitor you. Then in a couple months time, we should have the procedure ready for you." He paused. " I'm glad we caught this early because we really have a chance of beating this. In your case, it's about fifty percent."_

_My heart fell, and I tried to not let it show, for Kristoff's sake. Only fifty percent? That constituted a 'good chance'?!_

_I turned to face my brother when the doctor left. "You have missed enough of your life for me. You need to get back to work and your classes."_

_His eyes grew wide. "I can't just leave you here!"_

_"You have to. I promise I'll be fine."_

_"But-"_

_"No buts!" I said, smiling at how all of our arguments always ended the same way: with me winning._

_He gave me a weary look. "Fine. But as soon as I am free I'm coming to see you. We're going to get through this."_

_I feigned a smile. "Who said we weren't?" He opened his mouth to respond, but stopped himself abruptly and gave me a look of comfort instead. I wanted so badly to tell him to stay with me, to keep holding my hand and reassuring me that we were going to get through this. I wanted to have him by my side every step of the way. But deep down in my heart of hearts, I knew that he had more important things going on in his life than taking care of his newly disabled, burden of a sister. _

_I felt so mature, so proud of myself for staying strong around him and not letting my emotions betray me._

_But when he left me for work an hour later, what I was bottling up couldn't stay hidden any longer._

_I curled myself into a ball and began to let strangled sobs roll through me, crying for the first time since my parents had died._

When I emerged from my tearful stupor, I didn't know how much time had passed. Rubbing some redness out of the eyes, I sat up and tried to think of something to do.

The boredom was officially starting to get to me. I tried to read the books Kris had brought for me, but my mind couldn't focus on the tiny letters. I sat there, hour after hour in self-pity, wondering if this would be how the rest of my monotonous life would go.

My eyes fell to the floor and I began to count the grey tiles one by one from my side of the room to the other. By the time I had counted all thirty-eight of them, only a few minutes had passed by. I wished more than anything that I had my phone with me, but I had forgotten it at home the day I went skating. Making a mental note to ask Kristoff to get it for me later, I racked my brain for something to keep me occupied. _If only I had someone to talk to_.

The steady sound of quiet breathing started to grab my attention, however. It was coming from the other bed.

An idea ran through my mind. Maybe I _did_ have someone to talk to.

With all the energy I could muster up, I sat up further, rolled my heart monitor and IV around behind me, and got up. My bare feet stung on the cold linoleum floor and I quickly shoved them into some flimsy slippers at my bedside. The shaky steps I took towards my roommate's bed felt more like trying to run a marathon through drying concrete. I carefully lowered my aching body into the chair at the side of her resting form.

I stared at her face for a minute, feeling awkward and embarrassed at the fact that I was about to talk with someone who had the conversing ability of a desk lamp.

I cleared my throat. "I-uh... I'm not sure what to say."

A moment of silence swept by as I took in her features. Being up closer to her made it easier to pick up on the details. I admired the blanket of freckles across her nose and the smile lines on her face. I couldn't see her eyes, but her lashes were so long and dark, I assumed that whatever was under them was as equally breathtaking.

I felt almost guilty for looking at her in such an intimate setting as sleep without her knowledge or consent. So as I shifted uncomfortably in my chair, I only allowed myself to take little glimpses of her, as if she were a burning star, too bright look at straight on. I hoped to keep those little slivers of her for safekeeping.

I tried to speak again. "So... What you in for?" I chuckled at my stupid joke and cleared my throat. If anyone could see me then, they would have thought that I had gone insane.

"I'm here because I have leukemia. I know that sounds bad... But I still haven't quite processed it, you know? I feel terrible feeling bad for myself, too. I really should be worried about how this is going to affect my brother... "

I stopped and my voice waned into silence. _This is so stupid. She can't even hear me_. I sighed. _Finish what you start_, a motherly voice echoed in my head.

I was about to keep talking when the sound of heavy footsteps from outside the door stopped me. I unintentionally cringed at the _click_ of the knob as I watched it spin. The door creaked open slowly and in stepped the orderly that had set her up in my room. He had come to check her vital signs and record her brain activity. He looked much more relaxed than he had earlier.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, not expecting to see me out of bed.

"I was just…" I searched for a good excuse for my clear and sudden lapse in sanity, coming up with absolutely no probable justification. I shrugged and huffed out a breath, giving up on trying to make myself seem normal. "I was talking to her."

He smiled at me, curving the corners of his mouth up to his cheekbones. It was one of the most genuine smiles that I ever received. "You should keep talking to her. They say that sometimes coma patients can hear you."

I let out a little nervous laughter and looked back over at the resident Briar Rose. "I'm sure she has plenty of people who talk to her."

"Actually, that's unfortunately not true." His big brown eyes turned sad and he exchanged his smile for a frown. "I'm not really allowed to divulge patient information... But... From the gossip I hear from the nurses, apparently she's an orphan."

I just stared at him, not sure how to respond to the disturbing update.

"The rumor around here is that she's been hopping from foster home to foster home ever since she was little. Rough for someone who seems as innocent as that face portrays, right?"

"Yeah. Rough." I echoed his sentiments and stole another glance at her. When I looked back, I expected to see scars or something that I had previously missed; anything that would constitute as proof of her tortured upbringing. And yet? Every inch of her was flawless. "She just looks too perfect to have ever been in an environment like that."

"I agree." His gaze lingered on her as well. "Anyway, I'm glad to see that she is with good company," He added kindly.

It took me a minute to realize that he had been talking about me. "Oh! Yeah, I guess. I think I'll be talking to her a lot... I can't really seem to occupy myself with anything else."

"Maybe you two will help each other, then. You never know," he mused before reaching over to me and patting my shoulder encouragingly and exiting out whence he came.

Not really thinking, I grabbed her cold hand and rubbed some warmth into it. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I've heard some bad things about foster homes."

I was feeling stupid again, talking to her, but what the orderly had said was starting to make me feel a little better about what I was doing. _This could have benefits for both of us._

"I don't have parents either. At least, not anymore." I frowned, pulling my mouth into a thin, sloping line. "Your name is Anna? I think? That's what I remember Doctor Denove saying. Well, it's nice to meet you, Anna. I hope you wake up soon."

I encouragingly ran my thumb across her palm in little circles, the relaxing form of human contact making my heart rate slow.

That didn't last long, though. I immediately shrieked in surprise at what happened next.

I stood up in shock, breathing heavily and heart palpitating. In a panic, I pressed the nurse call button and yelled out for help.

I whipped back around and couldn't help but stare, wide eyed at the coma patient who had just flittered her eyelids open for a second...

And had squeezed my hand.


	3. Chapter 3: Pain

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Three: Pain

The nursing staff burst into the room in a panic mere seconds later.

"What? What's Wrong?!" the head nurse yelled at my frozen form. I was still too hysterical to even move, let alone tell her that a girl in a coma had freaking _squeezed my hand. _

I barely mustered up the ability to raise my arm and point at her. "She- she" I mumbled incoherently.

Another nurse, realizing that I wasn't in a right state of mind, grabbed my shoulders and guided me back to my bed. As my heart rate began to go down, I started to feel the sting of pain in my lower arm. Gathering my senses again, I looked down to see a trail of blood dripping from my fingertips, the little beads of red splashing to the floor like falling rose petals. In my frenzy, I had wretched the IV needle from my arm, tearing open my skin.

I was impressed with the straightforward and stern determination as she grabbed a gauze pad from the med kit and wrapped up my wound. All of it seemed to be running in slow motion for me.

Now that I was sitting still and clearly no longer a danger to myself or others, the head nurse asked me again, this time slowly and clearly. "What is the matter?"

"Anna. She- she squeezed my hand." All I received were blank stares of shock. "And her eyelids opened for a second!"

The nurse's eyes widened and a look of pure shock washed across her face. "When?" She demanded.

Her steady voice was throwing me off; my brain was still trying to frantically process what was happening. "I-I don't..."

"When. Did. This. Happen." She articulated again, clearly frustrated with my poor handle on the situation.

"Just now," I choked out. She just nodded and went to work checking Anna's vital signs.

"Get me the brain wave chart," she ordered another nurse. "STAT."

A long, thin piece of flowing paper was shoved into her well worked hands as she pulled up chained glasses to her eyes and scanned the readings furiously.

Very suddenly, her gaze shot up and bore into me. "Are you sure this happened?"

I very suddenly understood what was going on. They didn't believe me. "Yes, I'm sure!" I said defensively, tone of voice rising in anger. "What reason would I have to lie?!"

"Calm down." She said, setting down the paper and walking slowly towards me. "Look. Sometimes the mind can...imagine things."

I just stared blankly at her.

"Considering your condition, sweetie, it's an excusable error!" Added in another nurse.

"I'm not hallucinating! She woke up for a minute! I'm not crazy!" I pointed to where she had set down the electrode readings on Anna's brain. "Didn't that tell you _anything_?"

"Well, there was a spike in activity in the Occipital Lobe..." She hesitated. "But we often see that kind of pattern during coma patient's sleep cycles."

The only thing I could even think to do was close my eyes. _This isn't happening._

The nurse that had bandaged my arm reset my IV drip. "You need to go back to sleep. Let us know if you need anything." Her tone of voice didn't match her sentiments, however. Clearly, they were tired of being bothered.

I flopped down into my pillow, buried my face in the blankets, and clenched my fists in the sheets. _Maybe I am going crazy._

"I'm sorry, Anna." I said from across the room. "I don't know what's happening to me."

As I drifted into a tortured sleep, the idea that I might never have control of my life again began to eat away at the corners of my mind.

And my sanity.

...

No one mentioned my outburst after that.

I'm sure the hospital staff had let Kristoff know about it, but he didn't say anything to me. Every day he would visit me around noon, bringing me French Onion Soup from my favorite restaurant and a Disney movie to watch.

He would make me scoot over and climb into the tiny hospital bed with me, taking up a good 75% of the space. We would stuff our faces with popcorn and bond over the movies we used to watch together as kids as they played on the miniscule television in the corner of my room.

He would leave a couple hours later and I would redirect my attention to my project on the other side of the room. I would snuggle up with blankets in the chair at her bedside, lay my chin on my arms that rested on the bed next to her, and just talk.

The first couple of times I spoke to Anna, I didn't really have much to say. Eventually, though, I would really get going and chat in a very one-sided way for hours on end. I would talk to her about the Disney movies Kristoff and I would watch, about how I was taking a gap year between classes to further pursue skating, and about my parents dying. Sometimes I would even read my favorite books to her: Brave New World, Mansfield Park: A ton of classics.

And while I still couldn't see any evidence of an abusive upbringing, I did start to notice more little things about her. Like the little strip of bleached hair tangled in the rest of her mess of auburn. And the tiny blue studs that were in the double piercing on her ears.

"I wish I knew more about you." I would tell her blank, freckled face. "I bet you have a lot of stories to tell."

And on the last day of my week in the hospital, I actually got some answers.

I wasn't expecting to have company other than my brother or the kind orderly who came in every day to encourage my conversations with Anna, but I did. Well, technically… she did.

After a meander around the hospital halls, I opened our door to quite the surprise. Sitting in my chair next to my roommate's bed was an older woman draped in black from head to toe.

She looked up at me with stormy grey eyes that had clearly seen a lot of years. Pure white hair framed the weathered wrinkles on her forehead and around her eyes. She looked maybe... Sixty?

"Hello." I offered a shaky hand out to her and she shook it eagerly.

"Hi!" She smiled sadly at me. "Are you Anna's suite-mate?"

"Yeah, I'm Elsa. And you are...?"

"Oh, my name is Gerda, dear. I'm the director of the home that Anna came from. The Arendelle Home For Underprivileged Children."

"I see. It's nice to meet you, Gerda." I returned her smile, heading over to my bed to lie down for a nap.

"Wait!" She got up and scurried ahead of me, long black jacket flowing behind her. She grabbed the chair from my bedside and placed it next to hers. She patted the seat. "Sit with me?"

I gave her a skeptical look. "Ok..."

"That nice orderly told me about how much you have been helping her. I want to thank you. Anna has never really had much of anyone looking after her, unfortunately."

"I don't know how much _I've_ been helping_ her_... But all the talking is doing wonders for me. I don't feel so alone here with her," I confessed.

"Well for whatever reason you are doing it, I have to express my gratitude." She tried to look me in the eyes but I wouldn't meet her gaze; I was still too embarrassed.

"What happened to her? Why is she in a coma?" I asked very bluntly, eager to get some information about the sleeping girl. She opened her mouth to answer, but couldn't seem to find the right words. "If you don't mind me asking," I added as an afterthought to soften my demeanor.

"She's been through a lot, I can tell you that." Gerda chuckled. "It's made her into quite the tough cookie."

I motioned for her to go on.

"From what I know, her biological mother dropped her off at her first orphanage right after she was born. Her feisty personality made it hard to find any parents to adopt her- all anyone wants are sweet little quiet things." She frowned. "She's been going from foster home to foster home forever, and just came under my care about a month ago. She doesn't like sharing much, but from what I've gathered, she's never really found her place anywhere. She could have left the custody of foster care when she turned 18 last year, but she's too afraid of the outside world."

I stayed quiet. Even though I had been through tragedy, Anna's past reminded me about how fortunate my life had always been.

"As for why she is here?" Gerda continued, "she got in a fight with another kid. He took a swing at her and as she went down, she hit her head on a countertop. She was knocked out and just hasn't woken up yet." I spotted tears starting to form in her eyes, and not really knowing what else to do, I grabbed her hand to express my condolences.

"She'll make it through." I promised the woman I had met only five minutes prior. "If she's made it past years of that, than I bet she could make it through almost anything." I knew that what I was saying was almost completely devoid of actual proof, but I felt the need to give some hope to Anna's caregiver who clearly cared quite a lot for the girl.

"Thank you." She sniffled and wiped her nose. "Again, I'm glad she has someone watching out for her here. I have to get back to the home, but I hope to see you around?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I would be gone the next day. "Sure, see you soon."

I sighed as she left and pat Anna's hand before finally heading back over to my bed. I tried not to think about how Anna would be all alone when I left the next morning.

But the thought kept me awake all night long.

...

The next morning, Kristoff came to pick me up, 'Get Well!' balloons and flowers in hand.

"You know you could have left those at home, you dork. Now we have to carry them back out again." I punched his shoulder as I motioned for him to turn around so I could change. Pulling the flimsy hospital gown off of me, I breathed a sigh of relief to be able to put on normal clothes again.

But as I pulled on my shorts over my hips, a searing pain hit me in the side. "Oh God. Oh no."

Kris turned around and gasped.

Where I had fallen on the ice was an enormous, oozing welt on my left hip. "That wasn't there yesterday." I told him, fear riddled through my voice.

"I'll get the doctor," was all he said before running out of the room and yelling down the hall, bellowing out for help. Eventually, he found Doctor Denove and brought him to my aid.

I held back tears as the doctor examined my injury. A small part of me was terrified at what was coming next. "It's worse than I thought," he told us as scribbled down incoherent words on my chart.

"This isn't happening." Kristoff said as he turned around and slammed his fist against the wall. Instead of turning back around though, he kept his clenched hand there, rested his forehead against it, and closed his eyes.

That was the first time that it really hit me.

I might die.


	4. Chapter 4: Guilt

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Four: Guilt

Do you ever have one of those moments when your whole world stops? Like you are so terrified that your vision darkens, your heart beats out of your chest, and you feel completely and utterly trapped inside of your own body?

Well that moment for me had stretched into almost every second of my day.

First, they sent me down to the lab to do more testing. Then, Doctor Denove spelled out for us what was going to happen next.

"You are going to have to stay here under our observation for another week. Your cancer has metastasized to a greater extent than we originally thought."

"So I'm not stage one?" I asked, not sure if I even wanted to know the answer. Kristoff still couldn't even sit down; he was pacing the room like a distressed animal, head cradled in his hands. _What if this thing actually is the death of me? How can I be so selfish as to leave my little brother all alone in the world? _

The doctor cleared his throat. "New tests are showing that you are closer to stage three."

_Three_. The number reverberated around in my head for a minute. _One_ was survivable._ One_ I could do. _One_ wasn't that scary.

_Three_ was a living nightmare.

"As of now, you have been moved up on the donor list and your transplant is scheduled for as soon as possible." He mustered up a grim smile. "You still have a good chance."

I looked at Kristoff, who had stopped pacing and sat down in my bedside seat once more. He was trying his hardest not to show how alarmed he was, but I could clearly see the tears silently sliding down his cheeks.

When Doctor Denove left, I grabbed my brother's hand. "I'll get through this. Nothing has changed. I'm not going anywhere."

Still unable to speak, he grabbed me and pulled me into a gigantic bear hug. And as his tears soaked through the hospital gown and onto my shoulder, I cursed God for making me do this to him. As if he hadn't been through enough already.

"I'm not going anywhere," I repeated.

If only I believed it myself.

…...

And yet? Life went on.

The days passed by even more slowly after that. If I didn't have Anna to talk to, I probably would have gone completely crazy.

My musings to her became more and more morbid as time passed. Not that I really meant to talk about dying with her, but who else could I discuss it with? Doctor Denove had better things to do than console me, and bringing up my concerns to Kristoff would only hurt him more than I already had.

"I wonder what it is like to die." I told Anna one day. "I wonder if it's like falling asleep." I sighed to myself in pity before realizing what I had said. "Oh! I mean, not like your kind of sleep, I just mean… I don't know." I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the chair. "I don't want to leave Kris all alone. How will he get by without me?"

My foot began to tap rhythmically on the floor.

"I'm not even sure if I believe in life after death. I was raised religiously and taught to believe all that stuff. But honestly? Who knows? There could very well be nothing waiting for me. Or everything."

I paused again to reflect on what I had said. "To die would be an awfully big adventure."

"Who said anything about dying?"

I almost jumped up out of my chair; I was so startled at Gerda's entrance.

"Oh dear, I didn't mean to frighten you!" She wasn't in a black this time, just undertones of grey that highlighted her eyes. She looked much younger.

"No, its - I'm ok."

She pulled up a chair next to me a laid a hand on my shoulder. "What's all this about death, dear?"

I was hesitant to tell her. I mean, she could barely keep it together last time while talking about Anna's condition. Her face was genuine, though. I could tell that she really wanted to know what was wrong.

"I have cancer."

"Oh." She squeaked out, clearly not expecting me to be so frank. "I'm so sorry."

"Its nothing to be sorry about," I told her. "It just…is. I guess."

"How long have you known?" She began to fidget in her seat and tap her manicured nails against the mottled, wooden arm of the chair.

"Only about a week and a half."

"Well you are handling it quite well for such a short amount of time."

I grunted, holding back dry laughter. _Yeah. Sure._

Her eyes found mine and she finally saw the anxiety that I was keeping bottled up inside. "Do you need to talk about it?"

"I guess so. I don't really know what to say, though."

She grabbed my hand and held it firmly, unfazed by my clammy palm. She glanced at Anna. "I think its my turn to do some one sided talking, then."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. _Maybe this conversation will be less painful than I thought. _

"My late husband died of Esophageal Cancer ten years ago. And before you say you are sorry, don't be." She pushed her mouth up into a curved line, but her eyes were void of the smile. "It was his time."

She broke away from our locked eyes and looked up at the ceiling. "Everyone says that cancer patients have their lives stolen away from them too early, but Jimmy was ready when he went. He had time to say goodbye to everyone. He watched our daughter graduate, and walked her down the aisle. He even kissed me goodbye. The only thing he missed was the birth of our grandson." She smiled sadly with tears in her eyes. "They named him Jim."

I took my free hand to grab her upper arm and squeeze it in a sign of comfort.

"Not that I'm saying that its your time or anything as twisted as that," she continued. "I'm just saying that everything happens for a reason."

I chuckled. "That's pretty cliché, you know."

"I'm serious! Everything happens for a reason," she reverberated. "And if you don't know the reason for this illness yet, I promise that you will soon. After all, my grandson is the reason I have to get up in the morning. He is always a constant reminder for me to be better person." She let go of my hand to clutch at her heart. "A better person like Jimmy was."

"Thank you, Gerda. I needed that."

"Anytime, dear."

She was right, too. I may not have known what the reason was that this was happening to me, but I was about to find out.

In a big way.

…...

I was in a dark hallway. The pitch black that enveloped me was like thick velvet, suffocating and unyielding.

Taking a shaky step forward. I called out, "Hello? Is anyone there?"

Something huge and dark and black brushed by me as it ran past and I let out a terrified shriek. Frantically looking around for someplace to run, I realized where I was. Judging by the look of the squared windows and the array of complex equipment, I was in the hospital corridor.

The hulking black figure made a charge past me again, like a hunter trying to frighten its prey. "Help!" I screamed, but this time, no sound came from my lips, only a muffled humming. Not really knowing where I was going, I started sprinting down the hallway as the floor squeaked underfoot. I could hear the heavy footfalls of the figure behind me, booming as my pursuer followed.

The darkness didn't cease.

I kept running for dear life.

Ducking under the counter, I fumbled through the nurse's station and out the other side, but to no avail. Skidding around a corner, I hoped a sharp left might shake whatever was following off my tail. It had been a mistake, though. I had run into a dead end.

Face to face with a blank wall and no escape, I slowly turned around to stare down my fate head on.

A very inhuman growl came from the formless figure as it approached me slowly. I closed my eyes and whimpered, waiting for whatever was coming. Pain? Death? I wasn't sure.

But then, suddenly, another figure appeared behind the dark monster and pushed it out of the way. The darkness yelped in protest. I couldn't even stare directly at my rescuer, they were too bright too look at straight on, like they were made of pure light.

It reached out a hand to me and I grasped it firmly.

The dark creature wasn't so easily spurned, however, and made a swipe at me, disconnecting my hand from that of the light.

"Wake up!" The light figure called out to me. "Wake up!"

My mind was groggy and confused. "What? I don't-"

...

My eyes fluttered open. It was all a dream. But the thing telling me to wake up had been very, very real.

In fact, there was someone standing above my bed, shaking my shoulders violently, trying to elicit a response from my sleeping form.

"Wake up, wake up!" The voice repeated frantically.

I was struck by the person's piercing blue eyes.

And her haunted expression. And her freckles. And her Auburn hair.

Anna was awake.

...

A/N: WELL HELLO THERE, READERS. I didn't really mean to, but I'm pulling a Celery Sticks (SIS) and introducing myself to you guys after you are already entranced with my depressing plot. lol. I know a lot of you are worried that this is going to have a sad ending, and I really don't know what to say. I haven't really decided what I want to do about the whole…death aspect…yet. I can promise that it will be a fulfilling ending either way. As to why I'm writing something so depressing? They say 'write what you know', and I know cancer. I have survived it twice, actually.

ANYWAY, thanks for reading. Sorry this was a shorter chapter, I promise that they will get longer! I will try my hardest to do one chapter per day! Review and let me know your opinions and suggestions!

P.S. If you spotted the Peter Pan reference in this chapter, kudos to you, my friend.

Always,

Jess.


	5. Chapter 5: Anger

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Five: Anger

"Ow!" I muttered quietly to myself as I pinched the skin of my arm for the hundredth time.

No matter how much proof I could muster up that I wasn't dreaming, I still couldn't comprehend the reality that Anna was sitting up of her own accord. But she wasn't just sitting. She was scratching her arm, and shifting, talking, and swinging her legs on the edge of the bed as the hospital staff examined her. I blinked my eyes a couple times and refocused them on the miracle across the room.

The nurses had bolted in as soon as Anna had disconnected herself from the heart monitor, Doctor Denove following closely behind. It's a lucky thing that he had been working the night shift.

Anna didn't even turn to see them enter, she was still shaking me by the shoulders, the look of a frenzied psychopath plastered to her face. They actually had to pull her off of me before getting her oriented.

The doctor pressed his stethoscope against her heartbeat, checked the pulse at her veins and nodded in approval. The nurses then noted her vision, motor skills, pain tolerance and everything in between. Lastly, they asked what she remembered.

A sad little voice in my heart of hearts cried out: _Me! Remember me_!

But what Anna spoke of was something much more horrific than hearing my voice as she peacefully slept.

"I remember getting hit." She told them.

I wasn't really sure what I expected out of her voice, but when I first heard it _not _screaming at me to wake up, I marveled at its complexity. The overtone was that of light innocence, but the undertone spoke in the language of severity and hardship. It was gruff and she spoke curtly, as if getting hit had been eating ice cream.

It was still one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard.

"Describe it to me." Demanded Doctor Denove, who was still clearly unsure if her handle on memory comprehension had returned or not.

"Well," she squinted her eyes, having some trouble with the recollection of detail. "It was a boy at the foster-" She halted mid sentence and shot me a glance. "At home," she corrected herself, clearly unsure if I was ok to share her personal information with.

As her eyes met mine once more, the furry of the icy blue inside of them hit me like an electric shock. They were the eyes that I had waited to see for so long. And boy, they did not disappoint.

No longer able to sit up with my own strength, I pulled my knees into myself and wrapped my arms around them.

"His name is Hans." Anna continued, this time a little quieter. "We were fighting over who was going to do the grocery shopping for the home that week, and he said that it was 'a woman's job.'" She cleared her throat. "So I kind of punched him in the face."

A nurse snorted and I held back peels of laughter as Dr. Denove glared at the interruption. Anna smiled though, appreciating the reaction to her defense of feminism.

"After that?" he prodded.

"After that, he hit me back. That's all I remember, honestly."

My heart fell and I felt very shameful. _What did you think? That she would remember you? _My internal argument became ultimately one sided. _You mean nothing to her. _

But I couldn't bring myself to look away; her very essence was magnetic.

"As soon as we have technicians come in tomorrow morning, we will be running an Electroencephalogram to assess how well your neurons are communicating from the different cortexes of your brain. After that, we will be able to asses how much longer you need to be here and when you can go ho-… back." I grimaced as he caught himself before telling an orphan child that she could go home.

Anna didn't seem to pay mind to his faux pas and instead nodded at him while gulping down some well-deserved water. She smiled softly. "My mouth was a desert. I don't think I've ever had water that tasted so good in my entire life!"

The nurses gave out a chorus of good-natured chuckles. I had to agree. It was so endearing to see someone who had been a potato twenty minutes prior turn into such a good sport about her incident.

"Its fantastic to see you handling this so well, Anna. You should get some sleep now. You have a big day tomorrow!" Dr. Denove congratulated her before leading the nurses out and sending in our favorite orderly to help her get settled.

"You need any more blankets or anything, dear?" The orderly smiled brightly at her.

"I really am fine! Thank you so much for everything. Just some sleep now would be perfect." Her voice was overly sweet, like she was trying her hardest to get rid of him.

"If you say so. I'm on call if you need anything." He said before clicking off the lights and ducking out the door, letting it shut softly behind him.

Anna and I were left alone, then. I could see her sit up and shrug the blankets off, all movements illuminated by the moonlight filtering through our window. I watched intently as she grabbed the glass on her bedside table and walked towards the sink to fill it.

Without even turning her head to see me staring, she said "What you looking at, Blondie?"

I chocked on my own spit and sputtered out the answer, "nothing." I took in a deep breath. "Its just… he would have taken care of that for you if you asked."

Condescending laughter fell from her lips and she turned around to face me, leaning the curve of her left hip against the counter. "I take care of myself. Always have. Always will."

"I talked to you!" I blurted out suddenly, desperate to elicit some sort of emotional response other than nonchalance from this girl.

"Excuse me?" Her eyes narrowed, but her tone of voice still conveyed the arrogance of street cred. I should have expected this sort of hard exterior on her. After all, she was a product of the foster system.

"In your sleep. I talked to you while you are in the coma." I wanted to slap myself in the face. _Why did you say that, stupid!_

"Ok, creepy." She rolled her eyes and went back to her bed. "Thanks for sharing."

"So you… so you don't remember?" I stuttered out.

She sat up again in bed to face me, eyes crackling like untamed blue fire in the light of the moon. "Lets get one thing straight, Hun. I don't need some sort of miracle story where the coma patient is cured because she hears the angelic voice of a stalker." Her words were stinging on my skin like hot embers. "I don't need any friends because all people ever do is try to hurt me. And I _definitely_ don't need anyone, doctor or not, to take care of me." And with that, she fell back into her pillow and turned her back towards me.

I couldn't find my voice to respond, so I closed my eyes in defeat instead. _I'm such a fool for thinking that I deserved something out of this. _

Biting back tears, I shivered as I wrapped myself up in my blankets and wished for sleep without the pain of nightmares.

But the nightmares came despite everything.

….

The next morning I awoke to a _crunch, crunch, crunch_ that sounded like pebbles going through a meat grinder. Trying to avoid getting chewed out by Anna again, I squinted my eyes open and peered at her through a veil of sheets.

The sound had been her macking on Cocoa Puffs as if she hadn't eaten for years. I didn't think I had ever seen someone who was so enthusiastic about chocolate cereal. _To each his own_, I thought to myself.

I couldn't pull my eyes away from her and watched as she picked up the remote and started surfing through channels, trying to find something interesting. She eventually settled on a Spanish Soap Opera titled "Los Buenos Mueren Jóvenes."

Anna obviously must have known Spanish because every time something dramatic happened, she would either be gasping in shock or laughing like her sides were going to bust open.

Her laugh, though. It was so calming and beautiful, like wind chimes in a rainstorm. I could have listened to that for hours.

I sighed. I _knew_ her.

I knew her life story, I knew her hardships, I knew her caretaker, I knew every inch of her face, I knew her electrifying eyes, and now I knew her laugh.

And yet to her? I was a complete stranger.

"Stop skulking under your blankets and eat some breakfast, creepy."

I froze. She had called me out again and I sat up in my bed, unable to meet her gaze.

"My name is Elsa." I told her stubbornly. "Not creepy. And what are you eating, rocks?"

"What's it to you?" She snapped.

I was saved from having to answer her, though, when the orderly came into to take her to the EEG test.

I wanted to cry again, but I forced myself to suck it up.

Anna had left the TV on and I turned my attention to the Telenovela in an attempt to avoid feeling sorry for my situation.

Five minutes later, I heard the door squeak open and cringed, preparing myself for another onslaught of insults from my roommate. But the only sound I heard was the quiet clearing of a throat.

Looking over hesitantly, I saw Gerda standing in the doorway, frozen with a look of terror on her face.

"Where's Anna?" He voice betrayed her fear as it shook out of her mouth.

"She's doing brain wave scans downstairs." I reassured her. "She's fine."

Gerda breathed a sigh of relief. "You don't sound very enthusiastic about her recovery," she accused.

I didn't know what to say. That Anna was being a straight up bitch to me? I couldn't, it would have killed her.

"She didn't remember me." I admitted, looking down at the blanket on my lap as I began to fiddle with its weathered, green edges.

"Oh dear. I'm so sorry." She sat down in the chair at my bedside and clenched her hands in her lap. "I don't expect you are too happy about that."

I shook my head. "I really don't know what to think. I feel hurt… but do I even have the right to be?" I wondered at that moment what would have even happened if she had heard my voice while sleeping. Would we be friends now? Or at least friendly to each other? I just knew that whatever it was, it would have been better than my reality.

"Of course you do! I know how much you got out of sharing with her. If she doesn't remember, then its just not part of the plan fate has in store for you, ok?" She reached up and put her hand on the side of my face, forcing my to look her in the eyes.

I felt cold tears starting to sting on my cheeks. It was the motherly thing anyone had said to me since my actual mother had died. I didn't realize how much I missed that maternal influence.

"Thanks, Gerda." I grabbed her arm and squeezed it to convey my gratitude. "You really are an amazing woman."

"Me?" She chuckled good-naturedly. "I'm just ordinary old me. Nothing special."

"Well I certainly don't think so." I told her as the door opened again and Anna rolled in, pushed in her wheelchair by the orderly.

"You don't think what?" the redhead asked me as she climbed back into bed. "You know what? Don't even answer that. I don't want to encourage you rambling to me any more than you did when I couldn't even hear you."

"Anna!" Gerda scolded, but she was too happy to see the girl that she didn't stay mad for long. She patted my shoulder before striding over and pulling her into a hug. "I'm so happy you're awake. I was so afraid."

"Well you were afraid for nothing. I'm all better!" Anna pulled away from their hug and her stomach made a loud growl.

"Can I get you food, sweetie?" Gerda asked, and Anna shook her head, clearly embarrassed. "Too bad, I'll go down to the hospital cafeteria and get you some fresh fruit." She declared, eyeing the box of Cocoa Puffs on her side table.

And before Anna could protest, she was gone.

I didn't even realize that I had been staring again until Anna's eyes shifted towards me and narrowed.

"If you can't stop staring at me like a piece of chocolate cake, then I'm going to have to request a room change."

I felt as if a vein had burst inside of my head.

"Can you STOP!?" I finally yelled at her, so done with the attitude.

Her eyes widened as she whipped around to face me. Obviously, Anna wasn't expecting me to snap.

"I-I don't-" she stuttered. But I cut her off before she could get her head back on straight.

"I don't care that you had a bad time growing up, I don't care that being mean makes you feel better, and I _really_ don't care what you think about me. Nothing gives you an excuse to rag on me for being _nothing but nice to you_!"

Anna was still taken aback, her mouth hanging open. But I still wasn't done.

"I'm sorry if you find it strange that I talked to you while you were in a coma. But you know what? It helped me. It helped me through the news that I have cancer."

Anna gasped.

I was crying again. "So go a head. I would love a fucking room change. Because nothing can help me anymore." I closed my eyes. "Not even you."

…

A/N: *braces self for onslaught of angry messages* MUAHAHAHA _cough cough_. Yeah soooooooo that was really hard for my to write for so many reasons. I'm now trying to live up to your expectations, I have a midterm tomorrow, I'm trying to watch Idina be a badass at the Oscars, AND my computer keeps crashing.

I bet you didn't expect Anna to be a bitch, right? Don't worry, she'll soften up! I know that was longer AND it had a lot of feels, so I'm hoping to post chapter six by tomorrow night! Love you all. Keep up the awesome reviews, they are so inspiring!

Always,

Jess


	6. Chapter 6: Bargaining

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Six: Bargaining

The only thing I could see through the cover of darkness was a faint glimmer of red.

_Where am I?_

"Elsa!" A dewy voice echoed from the wall of black in front of me, "Elsa!" The red light flickered in the distance.

I realized how familiar that voice was as it reverberated in my head.

"Who's there?" I called into the chasm.

"It's me, Elsa!" It sung out smoothly as if from the musings of a lullaby. "I'm here!"

"Mom!?" I called out, now recognizing the sound as coming from someone who I hadn't heard in years. "Mother?"

"Yes, Elsa! It's me, I'm here!"

"**Mom**!" I yelled out frantically, looking to the ground to see if it was safe to move my feet. I couldn't even see them, though, with the thick, grey fog swirling just above my ankles. "Mom, I'm afraid."

"Don't be afraid! Just follow the sound of my voice." The red light flickered again.

I took a tentative step forward, heart throbbing in my chest. I needed to see her again, to hold her again. To tell her how much I missed her. "Where are you?" My strides became faster and I held out my palms in front of my body so I didn't run into anything.

"I'm here!" She sounded much closer now, only about ten feet away.

"_Where_?" I whined, body shaking in anticipation. The red light was getting larger. No? Two. Two red lights. The twin flames blinked in unison.

"Here," she was beginning to sound impatient and aggravated. It didn't matter how close I thought I was though, she always seemed to be right out of my reach.

"_Mom_!" I whined as I stopped moving and stood my ground, feeling defeated.

"Elsa." Her voice boomed angrily behind me and I flung my body around, only to find myself face to face with the burning red lights.

"You couldn't save me from the car crash, Elsa." The red lights told me. "You couldn't save your brother from his grief."

"What? Mom, I-"

"And now you can't even save _yourself._"

"No! What are you talking abo-" My own scream cut my words off as I saw exactly what the red lights were.

_Eyes. _

The owner of the menacing eyes was none other than the dark shadow from my last nightmare. I tried to move my feet and bolt away, but I couldn't move a muscle. I was a prisoner in my own body.

Now that it was right in front of me, I tried to get a good sense of its shape, but to no avail. It kept shifting and blending in with the background, as if it were liquefied or made of gas.

"What did you do with my mother?!" I asked desperately.

The creature only growled deep and threatening as it blew hot smoke in my eyes from mere inches away. I cried out, but still couldn't move.

_Wake up, wake up wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up._

"WAKE UP."

I let out a tortured gasp as my eyes opened.

"Thank God, I thought you were going to die in your sleep, whimpering like that."

As my vision adjusted to how dark our room was at one in the morning, I turned my sore body over to see Anna looking at me from her bed, eyebrows raised.

Instead of responding, I pushed my head back into my pillow and let my shoulders drop in defeat. _Just one more day of dealing with her. Hang in there. You can make it. _

Anna frowned. "Can't we at least talk about earlier?" Her tone had become quiet, solemn. It was quite refreshing.

"What is there to talk about? You won't have to deal with me soon." I was still upset from the previous evening. 'Nice' and 'meek' had always been my forte, but I was dying and she was pissing me off. So I thought '_what the hell_' and let my frustration have its outlet. "What else do you want? To insult me further?"

"Jesus, Elsa. I didn't know you had cancer. I just assumed you were in her for a paper cut or something. I'm sorry."

"So I'm only worth your pity now because I have a terminal disease?"

"I-"

"Save it." I snapped, interrupting her. "All I did was talk to you. I tried to do something I thought would help. _And this is the thanks I get_?" I was getting myself really worked up now. I knew that I was stooping down to her level of insults, but I had honestly never felt so powerful in my entire life than in that moment, getting to tell her off.

"I didn't need your help then, and I especially don't need it now!" She fired back at me.

I dropped my head in frustration and twisted my neck; tired of the strain the argument was putting on me. "Who said it was only to help you?" I mumbled out indignantly.

Anna looked taken aback. "I don't want to hear about what kind of twisted satisfaction you got from it," she hissed.

I pulled my hands up to cradle the sides of my face and let the weight of my head fall to my elbows.

"Look," she let the word roll ardently off of her tongue as she sat up to get a better view of me. "I'm sorry that you are sick, but I don't know you! You obviously feel as if talking to me while I was mentally checked out brought us to a higher plane of friendship or some hippie crap like that."

She paused to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. Even when she was the meanest, most insulting person, all I could see was her beauty. Her flawless, born-in beauty.

"I'm just done, ok?" She told me, giving up on whatever point she had been trying to make.

"You're right, you don't know me. And the good thing for you? You won't ever have to." She just looked at me in utter silence. "For your sake, Anna, I hope your next roommate is more receptive to your verbal abuse."

And with that, I turned away from her and fell back into tormented sleep.

…..

"If you let me get through this alive, I swear I'll go to church every Sunday. Scratch that. _Every day."_

"What are you even doing?" Kristoff shot me a strange look as we sat in the foyer of the research lab downstairs from my hospital room, awaiting the results from my latest series of tests. I could have just gone back up to my room and waited there with my brother, but I could no longer even look Anna in the eyes. I was horrified and ashamed of myself for making her feel bad, no matter how bitchy she had been to me.

"Trying to lighten the mood with some cancer humor."

"There is something seriously wrong with the way your brain works." He informed me, crossing his bulging arms over his chest.

I turned towards him and ruffled his blonde mop of hair good-naturedly. "Lighten up, grumpy pants!" I genuinely laughed for the first time since I got to the hospital.

"Shhh!" He covered my mouth as he saw Doctor Denove approach, only causing me to giggle harder.

"Ahem."

We both shut up and looked at the doctor apologetically.

"I have some good news." He pulled out my chart from his clipboard and sat down in a rolling chair opposite us.

"What is it?!" Kristoff asked excitedly, practically leaping from his seat.

"Your condition hasn't gotten any worse, so you will be home by Sunday!"

"Just in time for church." I joked and was immediately reprimanded by a smack on my arm from Kris. "Hey!" I protested.

"Thank you so much, doc." He said, voice starting to crack. "From both us." He shot me a look, but ended up smiling instead.

Doctor Denove laughed at our sibling antics and said, "all that's left to do if find a bone marrow donor for you, and you will be all set."

"How long do you think that will take?" I asked him with a more serious demeanor.

"It could be tomorrow or it could be a month from now, we can't predict it. It's hard to find anyone who wants to give up the inside of their Femur. Even harder to find that person with the right blood type."

His news had been good, but his words scared me. _What if we never find a donor? What if it was already too late for me? _

Kicking myself for poking fun at bargaining mere minutes earlier, I closed my eyes and clenched my fists together. _If you let me get through this, God, I will never ever, ever doubt you again. _

As Kristoff wheeled me through the he hospital lobby, he couldn't stop whistling. I didn't think I had ever seen him in such a good mood before.

"You are making my head hurt, show-off." I complained.

"You know what you need?" He asked me rhetorically, but I answered anyway.

"A less annoying brother?" I chuckled.

He ignored me, turning my wheelchair towards the hospital courtyard. "You need some fresh air."

"Ughhhhhhhh" I groaned in mock protest, but immediately stopped as he pushed me out of automatic glass doors. The intoxicating smell of freshly blooming Jasmine shut me up real quick,. They were _divine_.

"We can't stay out here for long, because I'm running late for hockey practice." He warned. "But I promise I will take you out her again tomorrow if you want."

I nodded eagerly, letting out a deep breath and enjoying the white noise provided by the cliché marble, cherub fountain.

"Today, though," he continued. "I thought that we could pick you some climbing roses." He revealed a pair of hidden garden shears from his back pocket. "I don't think the hospital will miss a couple of stems."

Forgetting that it was hospital policy to remain sitting in my wheelchair while downstairs, I shot up and pulled my brother into an intense hug. What he had done for me, while seemingly insignificant, was one of the most meaningful gifts I had ever received.

You see, before my parents died, we lived in a big, beautiful house with a magnificent, grand garden. My mother would spend hours teaching Kristoff and I how to have a green thumb while we would goof off and barely listen to her. Our mom's most prized possession had been her climbing roses: the speckled pink kind. She prided in them like nothing else and would always fill our respective rooms with vases and vases full of them.

The smell of those roses was the smell of my mother. It was the smell of a once easier life that I had led.

As Kris trimmed and stripped the thorns from the roses and handed them to me, silent tears began to fall. "I miss her."

He just nodded, unable to handle any more emotion than that.

I wept all the way back up to my hospital room.

"I promise I'll bring you something to put them in when I come tomorrow." Kristoff told me with newfound composure. "Any Disney movie requests?"

"The Fox and The Hound, please." I said, wiping the tears from my sticky cheeks as we approached my door.

"Really? You want to cry more than you are right now? You know what that one does to you." Sometimes I forgot that I was the older one out of the two of us.

I was about to answer, but a loud _CLANG_ sounded from inside my hospital room.

Kris and I exchanged weary looks. _CLANG, BANG_! It was as if an ostrich was tearing my room apart from the sound of the shrieking and mumbling coming from inside.

I stood up out of my wheelchair and tentatively opened the door. Inside, I saw a very disgruntled looking Anna, pacing the room, and talking to herself like a maniac. The banging sound looked like it had come from some dishes she had haphazardly thrown in the sink.

She suddenly turned and stared at me, wide eyed. "You."

Her voice was panicked and I was getting very scared.

She ran over, grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. _Not again_.

"What?" I yelled, resisting the urge to smack some sense back into that obviously messed up brain of hers.

"Elsa."

"That is my name, yes Anna. Now can you let go of me? Please?"

"Elsa." She said in a desperate whisper. "I remember you."

" I'm sorry, _**what?**__"_

"I remember everything."

…..

A/N: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN. I apologize if I did any really bad typos or anything, as I am posting this from someone else's house at one in the morning for…. Reasons.

Let me know what you thought and give me your opinions for what you would like to see happen next! Almost a hundred follows and fifty favorites on this! You guys are too kind! And those reviews!? Let me cry in the corner you are so nice- I love each and every one of them!

Also, I have to give hella credit to a good friend of mine, BreckinxM, for helping me with dialogue! You rock!

Always,

Jess


	7. Chapter 7: Reflection

Don't Wake Me Up, Anna's POV

Chapter Seven: Reflection

"Hell is empty and all the devils are here," I read aloud and sighed, setting down Elsa's copy of _The Tempest_ on my lap. "And I'm one of them."

Trying to pass time from my hospital bed was like eating raw coffee beans: bitter and unsatisfying. So I made do with what I had and nabbed Elsa's books while she wasn't looking, stealing time to read them while she was out with that muscular gorilla she called a brother.

My stomach growled and I groaned back at it in protest. Aggravated that I even had to move, I rolled out of bed to pour myself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs sans milk. "The dinner of champions," I muttered, grabbing a spoon from the countertop.

Even though I had been out of my sleep spell for some time now, I was still wobbly on my feet; almost tripping on the five foot walk back to my bed. "Whoa," I exclaimed, steadying myself on my bedside table. Maneuvering my body adjacent to the bed post, I plopped down onto the mattress without any further incident.

The little circles of chocolaty goodness popped in my mouth with a satisfying crunch as I ate them dry. Opening up _The Tempest_ again, I continued to read in a comically overdramatic voice. _"Well, that's my spirit. But was not this nigh shore?"_

I paused, trying to wrap my brain around what the line meant. "What the hell does that even mean? What's a nigh shore?" I shrugged, giving up and forcing myself out of bed once more to look for a different book in Elsa's collection.

Cereal bowl in hand, I munched as I kneeled down to the level of her bedside table to examine the new selection Kristoff had lugged in with him earlier that afternoon. All of the novels were stacked on top of each other _Leaning Tower of Pisa_ style. _"Don Quixote, Paradise Lost, 1984, Heart of Darkness, Mansfield Park, Catch 22, Animal Farm_," I read as I rolled my eyes. "What is she, a college professor? Sheesh."

Settling on _Animal Farm_ (what could be so difficult about cute, country animals?), I traced my fingers over the spine of the book and yanked it out from the bottom of the pile. I let out a small gasp of surprise as a feathery, pink something fell from the pages of the book and onto the floor. I stood back up too quickly and began to feel very woozy.

_SNAP_. The sound of a coil release came from inside my head and I yelled out in pain. _SNAP, SNAP, SNAP._ My brain began to pound as I quickened my strides back to the safety of my bed. I wasn't sure what was happening, but whatever it was didn't seem normal.

I had just barely sat down when my mind went blank I felt my body slump back against the wall.

…..

For an overcast day, there sure were a lot of kids at the playground. They milled around, running back and forth as if to try and expel energy while their exhausted parents watched from the sidelines.

The only figure that was completely unmoving in the array was the small form of a red-haired child. She had sought out some solitude from the other kids by hiding underneath the slide. Anna normally liked the company of others at the park because she lacked much human interaction at the orphanage. And the children were usually kind to her at the playground, actually including her in activities.

Their guardian today, Miss Bertha, had taken along some people on their outing that Anna wasn't too fond of, however. Namely, Hans, who, upon stepping onto the sand, had promptly turned "let's make fun of Anna" into a game and led the other children on a wild escapade of hurtful words and insults. As if she didn't get enough verbal abuse at the home.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Said the hidden girl to herself, sniffling as she held back tears. _If only that were true_, she thought sadly.

"What's the matter?" A sneering voice sounded behind her. Anna cringed and felt bile rise in her throat, mentally preparing herself for another barrage of bullying. "Can't take a joke?"

"Go away, Hans!" Her voice squeaked out, tiny and intimidated. "Or else!" She added for emphasis.

"Or else what?" He said in a mocking tone. "Is the cry baby gunna cry? Look, everyone!" He yelled out to the rest of his minions. "The cry baby is gunna cry!"

A chorus of laughter rang out as the other children followed suit and imitated her, pretending to wipe invisible tears from their eyes. Defeated and wishing more than anything that she could just disappear, Anna curled up and buried her head into a set of crossed arms.

"_Leave her ALONE!"_ Someone screamed out from the back of the group. Everyone froze and turned around to see an older girl, maybe ten, push her way through them to where Hans loomed over his victim.

"What's it to you?" He narrowed his eyes, trying to not look intimidated by the blonde who was now staring down at him disapprovingly.

Not even bothering to respond, she growled as she swung her leg back and kicked him, square in the left shin.

He yowled in pain as she scampered off, cronies in pursuit. "I'm telling on you!" He screeched out defiantly.

The brave blonde reached down and stroked Anna's arm in comfort. The younger girl raised her head up hesitantly and looked around.

"You should run before he tells on you." She warned, but the blonde just laughed and took a seat next to Anna. "What's your name?"

"I'm Elsa. And I'm definitely not afraid of some little twerp like that." She twirled her grubby kid fingers in her tangled mess of hair. "I'm sorry that he was being mean to you."

"It's ok, I'm used to it." Anna reassured her. "We live in the same house."

"He's your brother?!" she asked, horrified.

"No, I live with a bunch of other kids who don't have parents. Like me."

"Oh." Elsa wasn't sure what to say. She had never really met someone who didn't have a mom and dad, like she did. "That sounds like fun, getting to have other kids to play with all the time. I only have my stupid little brother. He is such a _pest_."

Anna just smiled. She didn't want to tell Elsa about how spending every waking moment with other kids like Hans was more of a living hell than a never ending party. "Thank you for making him stop."

"Of course." She said with a toothy grin.

"I wish you could come back to the home with me so you could make him go away all the time."

"ELSA." An angry voice sounded from the distance. "COME HERE THIS INSTANT."

"Uh oh. Looks like someone told my mom."

"Oh no." Anna paled at the thought of her new friend getting in trouble for standing up for her.

"Don't worry about me." Elsa just smiled again. "Here," she said, handing Anna a flower from behind her back.

Anna reached out her hand to accept the gift, but her hand recoiled upon seeing that it was a rose. "I don't like thorns."

"It's a climbing rose. The thorns are really easy to take off." She handed it to the girl, who began examining the lack of dangerous pricks. "I took the thorns off of that one all by myself. You can smash it into the pages of a book and make it into a dried flower. It will keep forever!"

"Thank you!" Anna exclaimed as she admired the gift that felt like absolute, pure gold clutched in her death grip.

"Just look at it whenever you need to be brave. Stuff like that helps me a lot."

"ELSA_. NOW_."

"Gotta go!"

And with that, she watched her savior disappear from her peripheral line of sight.

…

After watching the whole vision of the park in my head, my sight went dark.

All I could hear were voices.

"How long has she been out?"

"Let's get her set up in here."

"She's going to have to share a room."

"It's fine, it's a hospital room. No one is going to care."

Different voices.

"It's been a week? Is she going to be ok?"

"Coma patients are tricky. We can never really tell when they will wake up."

"I thought you people were supposed to be professionals."

"The human brain is a tricky thing."

Just one voice, now. A different voice. A special voice.

"I'm, uh, not sure what to say." A pause.

"So…what are you in for?" A chuckle.

The voice was soft and mellifluous, like the caress of a sheet of chiffon.

"I'm here because I have Leukemia. I know that sounds bad, but I still haven't quite processed it, you know? I feel terrible feeling bad for myself, too. I really should be worried about how this is going to affect my brother…"

Another voice joined in, but I couldn't make it out. Everything began to sound like the buzz of white noise. Nothing was as clear as the perfect sound of that girl. That achingly familiar girl.

"I hope you wake up soon." A high pitched shriek.

More white noise.

"I wish I knew more about you."

More voices. Nothing as important as before.

And then she was back, talking about her illness, talking about her paren'ts tragedy, talking about the books she read to me.

Talking about something a little scarier.

"To die would be an awfully big adventure."

I heard her painfully whimper after that and cry out, as if in pain. She sounded farther away, stuck in her own mind.

_Wake up._

….

My eyes opened again, but my head was still throbbing. I didn't know how long I had been out, but I really didn't care. All that mattered to me was that I had remembered.

Starting to panic and hyperventilate, I shot up out of bed and began pacing the room_. Is this what an anxiety attack feels like?_

Trying to clear my head, I grabbed my bowl and smashed it into the sink, hoping for no specific outcome in particular.

Looking down on the floor, I saw exactly what had fallen out of the book. My breathing got heavier.

I almost screamed in surprise as I saw Elsa open the door and peer in, a terrified look painted onto her soft face.

"You." I rushed over to her and grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to steady myself. I couldn't even find the words to express to her what had happened.

"What!?" She sounded angry. _Why is she angry_?

"Elsa!" My voice fell into a whisper. "I remember you."

"I'm sorry, _**what**_?"

"_I remember everything."_ My mind kept flashing back to what had come out of the book. It was what had caused my sudden recall.

My stomach churned as I closed my eyes.

Burned into my vision was the single, pressed rose that was still lying in the center of the room.


	8. Chapter 8: The Upward Turn

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Eight: The Upward Turn

Without even thinking, I pulled Anna into my arms.

"I'm-so-sorry-" she cried out through hyperventilated breaths as she sobbed into my shoulder. I swear I could see the walls she had out up against the outside world start to crumble away.

I felt tears of joy begin to flow silently down my face and I closed my eyes. "Shhhhh, Anna. Its ok, sweetie. It's ok." I ran my fingers through her hair in comfort and I felt her shake in my embrace.

My breathing got heavier as I became very aware of the curve of Anna's chest against mine. She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and pulled me closer, causing air to hitch violently in my throat. The proximity was bringing warmth to my face and I felt my cheeks begin to tingle.

"I'm going to let you two do some...talking." Kristoff said. "I'll be getting some coffee."

As soon as he was gone, Anna pulled me the rest of the way into the room, causing me to stumble in after her and almost hit my head on the doorway. She caught me mid trip, though, and guided my stature back up to eye-level.

"Whoa there, Feisty-pants!" I exclaimed, bursting into giggles. She laughed through her tears and sniffled. "I think you should sit down before we both end up on the floor."

She nodded and grabbed my hand, encouraging me to climb onto the bed and sit cross-legged beside her. We leaned our backs against the wall and I swiveled my head to face her, feeling the stucco press against my temple.

"Do you really remember everything?" I asked, not even trying to conceal the copious amount of hope in my voice. She dragged her sleeve across her eyes and turned her head so that our noses were only about a foot apart.

"I know about everything you told me- the Leukemia, and your parents, and the books! Oh those books."

"What is that supposed to mean?!" I smiled, raising my eyebrows in exasperation. I really didn't care that she was poking fun at my taste in reading, I was more focused on the changes I was noticing in her.

Her tone, instead of defensive, was now excited and caring. Her body movements changed from boxy and uncomfortable to fluid and over exaggerated. Even her eyes, once a frozen, piercing blue, now looked more like they consisted of swirling, tropical pools of warm water.

"Let's just say I prefer Dr. Seuss to Jane Austen," she said as she flashed me a saucy grin.

It was hard to focus on her words when my face was flushing into the color of a freaking tomato.

"Are you ok? You're all red!" She exclaimed, dimples curling further into her cheeks.

_It's just the fact that you are so close to me. And so beautiful_. That took me a lot of effort not to say. "I never thought you would remember. I'm just so happy. I can't even believe this is happening." Which, you know, was half of the truth.

"I don't even think I could ever say sorry to you enough times. Or ever apologize until everything is okay. You were so selflessly kind to me. You have been through so much."

"Are you kidding me? My backlash has been eating at me like nothing else. _I'm_ the one who should feel bad. After all, you have been through more than I have. You being defensive is acceptable at least."

"Elsa. I don't even- I don't know what to say. Even now you show me greater care than anyone ever has. I don't even know if I can ever do enough in one lifetime to repay you." The water works were back on for both of us.

Not even able to answer, I just grabbed her again, listening to the steady and calming sound of her breathing. She trailed her nails lightly against the bare skin of the back of my neck and I shivered. _This is surreal_. My face was starting to hurt from smiling so much.

"You have plenty of time to repay me, not that you even need to!" I whispered, melting into our hug. "I'm not going anywhere."

And I held her steadfast.

...

When I returned to my mind, it felt like I was lying on downy pillows in a hot spring. I had never been more comfortable in my entire life. I knew that I should open my eyes and get up, but I gave into temptation and kept them shut, snuggling in closer.

I wasn't sure why I was wrapped up in fluffy warmth, as the hospital was usually kept at the shockingly frigid temperature of an icebox. I didn't question it though and sighed happily.

"Mmmmm." I heard a husky moan in my right ear and my eyes shot open in shock. I was not alone in this bed. In fact, as my mind gathered in my surroundings and my groggy vision cleared, I saw that I was tangled up in someone else's limbs.

Anna.

Her arms were wrapped around my core and her head rested in the crook of my neck, breath tickling my collar bone. Careful not to induce an awkward wake up, I carefully withdrew myself from her and sat up, heart pounding.

Apparently we had tuckered ourselves out with the emotional binge and fallen asleep in each other's arms.

Quite the turnaround from the day before, if you asked me. We had gone from screaming to spooning within twelve hours. Not that I really minded, though. This was _much_ nicer.

"Don't wake me up." She mumbled and rolled over, making a grasp for more sheets to cocoon her body in. I stole a moment to admire her. She looked more alive now, out of the coma. There was more color in her skin and more energy in every tiny movement she made. _Even when she was sleeping._

A soft knock on the door pulled me from my stupor. Anna just moaned again and yanked the pillow over her head. Even through blankets and a baggy hospital gown, I could see her lithe and thin muscled legs kick around in protest at the noise.

I stuck my feet into my slippers and padded quietly towards the door, opening it a crack to see my brother patiently waiting outside.

"Oh good, I was hoping you had woken up." He raised his eyebrows. "You guys looked pretty comfortable. Is she still...?"

I pushed the door closed behind me as quietly as I could and narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah she's still resting. Why are you being so weird about this?"

He just grinned and gave me a knowing look, not bothering to explain. "Doctor Denove says you're ready to go home."

"What! When?"

"I don't know... A couple hours?" He looked so happy. So hopeful.

My heart fell. He really thought that I was going to make it.

I didn't really want to bring myself into a depressing state, but I couldn't control my thoughts and my mind started to wonder_. What if I don't make it? What if I can't live through this for him?  
_  
I shivered and faked a smile. "Awesome."

I had to admit, it would be nice to be able to curl up in my own bed again, in my own clothes.

"How long were we asleep for, by the way?" I asked him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Just a couple of hours. At least, enough time for me to get coffee and hit on the barista until she gave me her number." He pulled out a crumpled gum wrapper from his pocket with a scribbled set of blue inked numbers on the back. "I have a date tomorrow."

I punched his shoulder and shook my head. "Of course you do," I teased. I was so unbelievably grateful that he was still finding the gusto in him to go on with his life, despite the drag of having a terminally ill sister.

I was already looking forward to getting my time back with my brother when I got home; but then I thought of Anna, there all alone in that empty room. Maybe even with a new roommate.

I shivered.

"Can we come back and visit Anna tomorrow?" The inflection in my voice was a mix of eagerness and frenzy.

He smirked and nodded. "Never thought you'd _choose _to be in a hospital, but whatever."

I rolled my eyes and gave him a soft hug. "Thank you, Kris. For everything. You have been too good to me."

"Well I only have one sister, don't I?"

I couldn't believe it; I was actually feeling genuinely happy for the first time since I got my morbid news because of my time with Kris and Anna remembering me. As I pulled out of his arms, though, I realized how much meaning had been buried in his words.

_He only had one sister_. And soon? He might not even have that.

….

Anna helped me gather up my things and came down with me to the lobby to see me off. She hadn't really said much since I broke the news to her that I would be departing. She had actually been looking down despairingly at her feet as we rode down in the elevators, side by side, in regulation wheelchairs. Kris and the orderly pushing Anna's chair didn't really notice the tension between us as they animatedly chatted about good surf spots on the coast.

"Kristoff is going to drop me off for visiting hours tomorrow morning before he goes to class," I told her, hoping to lift her spirits. I smiled as her jaw dropped open and her face lit up.

"You're coming to visit…me?" She raised her hands up to her face and cradled her cheeks in them.

"Are you trying to be the most adorable thing on this damn planet? Because it's working," I blurted out before thinking of the legitimate implications of what I had said.

A dark blush spread across her face. "I-uh," she stuttered.

"I mean- yes. Yeah. We can't have you getting bored, now can we?" I awkwardly steered my train of thought away from the feelings Anna was giving me in the pit of my stomach every time she did something mildly cute.

She grabbed my hand and placed our palms together, eyes meeting in a flurry of light and dark blue.

"Thank you."

As our hands pulled apart, though, she let a small, paper thin something fall into my grasp.

As we made it to the front doors, I stood up and grabbed my bag of books and raised my shoulders up in discomfort. I peered down into my hand to see that Anna had, in a very intimate manor, given me a tiny pressed flower. _Must have fallen out of one of my books_.

The bright light coming from the huge glass doors made me squint in pain. From that point on, as soon as I walked out that door, my life would be altered again. I would be back in the real world with a burden I hadn't come in with, but couldn't leave behind: My cancer.

_Every moment from here on out is real. _

I knew that if for some reason I didn't make it in the end, I had better start living every single waking moment as if it was my last.

Because any one of them very well could be.

…..

A/N: THERE. HAVE YOUR FLUFF…..enjoy it while it lasts… wait, what? *Background cackling*

-I really really really hope you guys liked the last couple of chapters, because we are officially in this for the long run. I have never gotten such an incredible reaction to one of my fics before and I have every intention on seeing this one through to the end.

I take a **long** time when I write, and as of now, I have logged _**AT LEAST**_ 25 hours of work in. That's more than a freaking day, people_. For YOU_. Be grateful.

_**I**_ sure am grateful for all the nice things you guys are saying. I mean 50 reviews?! DAMN this is so rad. Keep them coming! I love love love reading each and every one of them.

I'm going to be at Disneyland all day tomorrow, so hopefully another update on Saturday?

Love you all.

Always,

Jess


	9. Chapter 9: Projection

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Nine: Projection

She was really starting to get to me.

I woke up early to try and make myself look presentable, which I know sounds pretty normal, but it sure was new for me.

It was so different with Elsa. At the time I wasn't sure why, but she made me feel like no one else had before. For the first time in my life, I cared what someone thought about me.

The funniest part of the whole thing was the look on Gerda's face when I asked her to buy me some makeup.

"Why?! I mean, do you even know how to use it?" She asked me, holding back peels of laughter.

"I can learn! I just want to look nice when Elsa visits tomorrow morning," I defended myself, not even realizing what I was saying.

"Oh." She smirked. "I'm going to assume that you meant exactly what that sounded like."

"Wait, what?" My head started spinning as I really analyzed what I had said, too.

Gerda didn't answer, though, as she gathered her purse and slipped her arms into her coat. "Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, lipstick, blush? Anything else?"

I gulped, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed. "I-uh. Yeah that sounds good."

She saw the panicked look in my eyes and said sympathetically, "Don't worry, I'll teach you how to put it on properly." Her face must have been hurting from all of the smiling. "I'll be back as soon as visiting hours start."

I huffed out a heavy breath. _What have I gotten myself into?_

…..

She kept good on her promise. As soon as the doors opened for visitors, she was back, bag of goodies in hand.

"I feel like a Barbie doll." I scrunched my nose up in protest. The foundation alone made my skin feel like it was covered in a layer of thick mud.

"You asked for this!" Gerda threw up her arms in exasperation. "If you want to impress her, you'll need some war paint!"

"Good analogy," I grunted out, accidentally smearing lipstick across my face. "Damn!"

"Here." Gerda snatched a makeup removing pad from the CVS bag and wiped the dark cranberry mistake from my cheek.

"Thanks, mom." I said with dry sarcasm oozing from my voice as I fixed up the spot with some more foundation. "And who ever said this was to impress her?"

"Your eyes admit things that your mouth cannot."

I gave her the best exasperated look that I could muster up. "When did you become so philosophical?"

Gerda just sighed and ignored me. "The last things are eyeliner and mascara," She said hesitantly, already dreading the struggle that was about to unfold.

And for good reason, too.

"OW" I screeched out, harpy style, as I stuck my eye with the liner pen. "How the hell do people do this every day!"

"Practice, dear. You'll get it!" She took the weapon from my grasp and turned my frustrated form to face her. "Close your eyes about half way."

I obliged and did my best not to wince as she dragged it along the rims of my eyes. She then grabbed a purple tube and shook it against her palm. "Open your eyes and look up."

I sighed as she feathered the mascara brush against my lashes. _I better get used to this._ I clenched my fists and my heart quickened its pace as I thought of the possibility of seeing Elsa on a regular basis. _I hope I _have _to get used to this.  
_  
The finishing touch was pleating my hair into two braids and brushing out my bangs to the side. "All done!" Gerda said excitedly, stepping back to admire her handiwork.

"How do I look?"

"Turn around," she breathed out softly, eyes sparkling.

Not even knowing what to expect, I spun to face the tiny bathroom mirror.

"Oh." The woman who mimicked my movements upon the reflective surface didn't resemble me at all. _"Oh_." And yet? She was me.

I didn't even realize that makeup could have such dramatic effects.

"You look stunning!" Gerda sounded eerily like a pageant mom.

"I look surreal." I leaned in closer to inspect the intricacies of the black that made my eyes pop and the blush that brought color to my face. I almost hit my head on the cabinet as I jumped up in surprise at a knock on the door.

"Anna?" A soft voice came from behind it. Without a single word, Gerda patted my shoulder and headed towards the exit. I tentatively stepped out of the bathroom and back into my room just in time to see Gerda open the door to reveal a very peppy looking Elsa.

"She's all yours." Gerda gave her a quick hug before sidestepping and softly closing the door behind her.

It was strange seeing Elsa in anything other than a tasteless hospital gown. She was rocking purple high wasted shorts and a Star Wars tank top. Black tights ran down her long legs, hugging them in all the right places, ending in high topped chucks.

"Phantom Menace sucks," was all I could think to say. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.  
_  
She laughed, high and mellifluous. "I agree. I prefer the original trilogy, myself." Elsa set down a large paper bag on the end of my bed and turned to face me, opening her arms for a hug.

I immediately obliged, striding towards her, not even caring to hold back the gigantic grin that stretched from ear to ear. Before she caught me, though, she grabbed my shoulders and narrowed her eyes to get a closer look at my face.

"Are you wearing makeup?"

_ Uh oh. Busted_. "Yeah... I had Gerda bring some for me."

She pulled me into her arms and squeezed me tightly, all air escaping from my lungs. "I'm flattered."

"Who said I did it for you?" I teased, batting my eyelashes innocently as she let me go.

Elsa just rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at me. Could she even get more adorable?

"Either way, you look beautiful," She conceded with a grin. I almost choked on my own spit, not prepared for the insane compliment. "But that's not because of the makeup."

I actually started coughing.

"Are you ok?" Her eyes grew wide and she grabbed my hand, clearly panicked.

"I'm totally fine," I reassured her, attempting to regain my composure. "Maybe just hungry."

"Good thing, too!" I picked us up some breakfast from Bruxië, that waffle sandwich place down the street. I wasn't sure what you would like, so I brought a couple of different choices." She hadn't let go of my hand, and began to pull me towards the door, but I yanked her back to face me.

"I'm sorry; did you just say _waffle sandwiches_?"

She nodded, looking confused as she grabbed the bag from where she placed it earlier.

"A woman after my own heart," I mused as she rolled her eyes once more and dragged me from the room.

She looked down the hall cautiously from side to side before darting out, me in tow, towards the elevators. "Hurry up!"

"Where are you taking me? You know I'm not allowed to go anywhere without that god-dammed wheel chair!"

"I was never really one for rules," she said in a low, husky voice as got into the elevator.

I didn't know what had gotten into this woman, but whatever it was, I sure as hell loved every second of it.

By the time we entered the empty courtyard, it was teetering on nine in the morning. There was still fog lingering in the air, but the crisp chill felt refreshing against my bare skin. I had only seen quick glances of the place through the windows before, but being in it was a whole different deal entirely. Especially with someone as wonderful as Elsa.

"It's amazing in here," I said, marveling at the climbing roses that stretched up against white latticed terraces. Something in the pit of my stomach dropped_. Those climbing roses._

"It sure is!" Elsa led us to a bench and let go of my hand to pull out the contents of the bag. I immediately felt the absence of her touch like little needles of ice against my palm. "I thought you could use a change of scenery."

"Boy, you were right. I hate being cooped up in there." I frowned, knowing that I was lying through my teeth. Even if the hospital was boring, it was a million times better than what I would eventually return to. "Those smell delicious." I pointed to the sandwiches, trying to steer my thoughts back to the present joy I was feeling.

"I have lox and dill cream cheese, Nutella and Peanut butter, ham and cheese, or caramel and banana."

My mouth was beyond the point of watering. "Nutella and peanut butter, please. I've never been more sure of any choice in my entire life."

Elsa giggled and handed me the sandwich. "Somehow I knew you would choose that, you chocolate fiend." She pulled up her legs and crossed them underneath her.

I took a bite of the heavenly treat and let out a guttural moan in pure, chocolaty ecstasy. "Damn. This is possibly the best thing I've ever eaten."

I turned towards Elsa and was immediately surprised by her state. She was just staring at me, eyelids heavy, biting her lip. As soon as our eyes met, her cheeks flushed bright pink and she looked away. "Glad you like it." She shivered.

I took another bite and closed my eyes, moaning even deeper this time, hoping to elicit a greater reaction from her.

"Anna." Her voice cracked. "You have a little Nutella...right there…on." She pointed to my bottom lip where the chocolate had dripped.

I just smiled slyly and dragged my index finger across my mouth. Running my tongue across the chocolate on the tip of my finger, I stuck the whole thing in my mouth and pulled it out with a _pop!  
_  
"Don't want any of it to go to waste," I said, smirking as I grabbed a napkin to dry my hand.

Elsa gulped.

Our tense silence was broken by a loud throat clearing behind us, making me practically jump out of my seat.

"Good thing we are letting you go today because that wheelchair rule was have is pretty serious."

"Doctor Denove!" Elsa exclaimed, sounding almost relieved that something had interrupted me turning her into a puddle on the floor.

I didn't even know until then that I could have that effect on people. It made me feel powerful.

"How are you feeling, dear?"

"Better, now that I'm home." Elsa pulled out her legs from under her and placed them firmly on the ground below. "You said you are letting Anna go today? That's fantastic!"

Doctor Denove nodded.

My heart fell. I didn't get to go back home like Elsa had. I had to go back to hell.

"We can have you all ready by six tonight. Gerda will be picking you up." He smiled, assuming this was good news for me.

The terrifying thought hit me that I probably wouldn't even get to see Elsa when I went back to Foster Care_. Why would she want to visit such a horrendous place?_ My breathing quickened and I started shaking.

As we rode back up in the elevator, Elsa said, "I thought you would be happier about leaving the hospital. Why do you look like I just kicked a puppy?"

I contemplated lying to her about it. I mean, I didn't want to worry her or add any more burden to her already cancer-filled plate. I caved though, emotions winning out. "I won't be going back to anything worthwhile. I have nothing to look forward to except getting to be a punching bag."

Her face fell and she grabbed my shoulder, digging her nails in. "It's because of Hans, then?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Come and stay with me, then!" She blurted out.

My eyes widened. "Wait, really? You would do that for me?"

"At least until things blow over and get better there for you. I don't want to see you get hurt again." Elsa had me by both shoulders, forcing my eyes into her gaze.

"I don't know what to say, I mean- thank you, of course! I've never had this kind of offer before. We will have to get my stuff though, at the home."

"That's fine with me, let's go talk to Doctor Denove and see if we can get you released earlier than six! We can drive over and pick up your stuff now!" She sounded so excruciatingly excited, but stopped bouncing up and down when she saw that I didn't share her exuberance. "I mean, you don't have to stay with me, if you don't want to."

"Oh no! Of course I do, a million times yes!" I mustered up the best smile that I could tear from my lips. "I'm just not really looking forward to going back, even if it's just to get my things."

She hugged me again as the elevator doors opened to my floor. I could smell the flowery perfume she was wearing and breathed in its intoxicating scent. Running her thumb across my neck, she whispered in my ear, "You don't have to worry about that. I'll be by your side the whole time."

...

Elsa was practically bouncing off the walls when she and Kristoff came to pick me up later that day.

"I have the pull out couch all set up for you! I don't know how many pillows you like to sleep with, is ten enough? I'll get you ten. And we can go out to dinner tonight! And, and-"

"Jeez, Els. Calm down, you are going to scare her off." Kristoff chucked as he helped me out of my wheelchair and through the hospital's front doors.

"Oh don't worry; I'm as excited as she is." I laughed and Elsa kept rambling as she skipped ahead of us towards the car. She looked so happy then. So at peace. As if a terminal illness wasn't eating her away inside. I bit back the water starting to swell in my eyes.

Kristoff held me back for a second before opening the car and I watched Elsa through the tinted window as she eagerly bounced up and down in her seat.

"We need to talk as soon as Elsa goes to sleep or something." His tone was serious, but his eyes were kind. He looked... pained.

"Ok...what about?"

"I have something very, very important to ask you."

…

A/N: Hello lovelies! Sorry this took so long, I've been pretty occupied with some stuff lately. I'm currently awaiting some results to see if I have another melanoma, and if I do then I'll have to do more tests to see if it has metastasized or not. So basically, this is getting harder to write as the subject becomes more and more real for me. I've survived before though, and I know that I can get through it again :) Thanks to everyone for your awesome support, it means a lot!

On a lighter note, would you guys like to see some smut in this? Do tell me, because I have no clue what you people want lol.

Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and let me know what you guys want to see next! There will be some more fluff mixed in with upcoming angst, just as a fair warning.

Always,

Jess.


	10. Chapter 10: Reconstruction

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Ten: Reconstruction

The first thing that hit me was the smell.

It was like walking into a wall of decomposing road kill or being doused in skunk spray. I scrunched my nose up, breathed through my mouth, and tried my hardest not to show any discomfort.

It pulled at my heart strings to see a look of shame flash across Anna's face as we walked into the decrepit facility. Kris had sent us ahead while he circled the packed block looking for parking.

It had been a weird ride from the hospital to the home; I could tell that Anna had been getting more and more anxious as the miles flew past us outside the windows of the car. I hummed along with the rhythmic tapping of her feet against the back of Kristoff's seat.

She was practically shaking as we walked up the rickety stairs to the tarnished, red brick excuse for a building. If anything ever screamed "inner city," that had been it.

I grabbed Anna's hand and rubbed my thumb over her balmy skin, trying to calm her down. Wordlessly, she gave my hand a squeeze of gratitude and smiled as she bumped our shoulders together. I felt heat rush to my face and forced myself to break eye contact.

"Hey, babe." A voice leered as we rounded the corner into the lobby. In between the scuffed up counter of the front desk and the wall stood a tall, lanky figure. The boy might as well have been a model. Perfectly trimmed sideburns tapered down his jaw line and his auburn hair swept backwards into an immaculate part. If it hadn't been for the dark circles under his eyes of the angry red scratch marks around his neck and arms, he could have been pulled right from a Gucci add.

"Hans." Anna hissed out his name and pushed me behind her protectively. I almost gasped when I realized that the last time they interacted, he had put her in a coma.

"Who's your girlfriend?" He took a couple threatening steps forward until he loomed over Anna. She wasn't cowering away, only staring up at him in pure disgust. I almost expected her to spit in his face. He then turned to look at me with narrowed eyes. "I know you. What do I…_it's you_."

Anna grabbed the front of his shirt and forced him to face her once more. "She's not my-"

"Do we have a problem, here?" My brother's booming voice asked as he walked through the door and up to Hans. Kristoff towered over the weasel of a boy, making sure he knew who was in charge of the situation.

No problem here, Fat-ass." Instead of backing into his corner at the sight of someone who could knock his brains out, he took another step forward until he was face to face with Kristoff's raised fist. _Very ballsy_.

"There will be if you don't scram." Kristoff was practically seething at the sight of someone who had the guts to stand up to his brawn. I could almost smell the testosterone in the air.

"Kris...don't," Anna pleaded.

Hans' mouth curled into a smile. "You care if my pretty face gets smashed in, sweetheart?"

"I just don't want him to get ugly loser on his hands," she immediately snapped back, snarling like an angry, feral animal.

"OH MY GOODNESS! Boys, _boys_!" Gerda shrieked as she entered the room from the opposite door.

Hans soundlessly snaked his way back out of Kristoff's reach and slipped through the doorway.

"I'm sorry." Kristoff said, "I just-I hate guys like that who think they can go around saying and doing whatever they want without consequence."

"I know it's not your fault, dear. We have always had problems with Hans," Gerda politely answered. She turned to Anna. "I have to say I was sad to get your call that you wouldn't be staying with us anymore. But I know you are ready to get out of this place, and I'm glad you have found people nice enough to help you." She shot me a look of utter, desperate gratitude.

At a loss for words, Anna shut her eyes tight, as to not let any tears escape, and hugged Gerda like this was the last form of human contact she would ever receive.

"Let's get your things." Gerda gave us a watery smile as she pulled away and led us down the hall.

I tried my best not to grimace at how rundown the place was. The yellowed wallpaper was peeling, the floor was slick with grime, and stucco was crumbling down from the ceiling. Basically, it needed some major TLC. Looking at the state of things, funding was clearly an issue.

At the end of the hallway was a plain white door with a crystal handle that turned with a _click_ at Anna's light touch. It unceremoniously swung open to reveal the most stunning thing I had ever seen.

Wall to wall, from floor to ceiling; every inch of the room was covered in color. My jaw dropped as I eased my way inside to get a better look at the masterpiece. A design swirled from one corner of the ceiling that spilled out random shapes, fitting together like a puzzle and eventually graduating into the tail feathers of a vibrant peacock, strutting above her headboard. On the opposite wall, a spark of fireworks oozed into what seemed to be the Aurora Borealis. My mind couldn't even take in this clearly hand painted work of art. The entire room was like a breath of fresh air in that jail-like place.

"How long did it take you to do this?" Kristoff wondered aloud.

Anna smiled so big that dimples popped into her cheeks. "I've been working on it ever since I moved in here. I just bought some cheap acrylic paint and used brushes and kind of... went to town."

"It's incredible," I mused, still focusing on every intricate embellishment of the mural. Finally dragging my attention towards the artist, I saw a deep satisfaction mixed in with blush on her face.

"I'm so glad you like it. That really means a lot." We shared a soft grin between us for a couple moments before I saw Kris shift uncomfortably in my peripheral vision and looked away from her.

"Let's how much we can fit in these." Gerda broke the silence by plopping down two large suitcases that she had carried out from the lobby onto Anna's tiny bed.

I scanned the room again, this time taking note of the furniture, which was very minimalist. There was only a bed, a floor lamp, and a dresser all crammed together in one corner. It made sense, as it helped emphasize the artwork.

Elsa, are you going to keep staring at my stuff or are you going to help me?" Anna sassed as she threw a shirt in my direction.

I easily caught it and fixed a faux glare right at her. "Oh you're gunna get it." I snatched a pair of pants out of the top dresser drawer and pelted them straight at her stomach. She let out a yelp as they hit their target. I let out roars of laughter because I could practically see the steam coming from her ears as she slammed the pants I had thrown into a suitcase.

"That's one way to do it," Kris said, very amused.

That game went on for a while, the throwing and subsequent catching of clothes, until we got to Anna's underwear drawer, which was hastily stuffed into the side pocket of her luggage.

"Nice bra," I cracked, trying to elicit another smile from her lips. Instead of my intended result, her brows furrowed instead, eyeing the emerald green undergarment.

"It clashes with my hair," She said absentmindedly as she reached into the bottom drawer, eyes widening at what she had picked up. I couldn't tell exactly what it was from where I had been standing, but it looked to me like something small, wispy and pink. Before I could check it out further, though, she stuck it into the second suitcase and quickly zipped it up.

"Ready?" Gerda asked her, grabbing one piece of luggage and handing the other to my brother to carry down.

"I've been ready for years."

...

"I'm sorry we don't have a guest room or anything." I dropped my purse and keys onto the antique coffee table in the living room as we walked in the door. Kris had to run straight to a friend's house, leaving the two of us alone.

"I'm totally cool with the couch, Cupcake." Anna assured me as she plopped down into the nest of pillows and blankets I had set up earlier.

"Cupcake? Really?"

"You don't like it?" She asked inquisitively, only half serious.

"I think you can do better, to be quite frank," I countered playfully.

She just stuck her tongue out at me and said, "thank you for letting me stay here. I don't know if I could have handled going back there."

"It's our pleasure to have you, really," I promised as I poured her a cup of water and set it down on the side table next to her makeshift bed. "The bathroom is first door on the left and my room is right across from it. Let me know if you need absolutely anything, ok? I don't mind being woken up."

She nodded and rolled herself up into the blankets, not even bothering to change into her pajamas. I didn't blame her though; it had been an exhausting week. "Thank you, Elsa."

As I trudged off to bed, I turned back to see her glistening teal eyes peer at me from under the covers as if she were a child stealing a glance of something forbidden.

...

I thought my nightmares would stop when I left the hospital. Boy, was I wrong.

This time I was at the skating rink and all the lights were shut off. I tried to take a couple of gliding steps forward, but couldn't move at all. My feet were glued to the ice.

Or at least, where the ice _should_ have been. Pure white mist swirled around my ankles like a bed of ever-shifting smoke.

It was only a little unnerving, not being able to move. As soon as I heard a low, rumbling growl, however, I was utterly terrified.

As I saw the lithe, black monster swim out of the fog, I let out a screech. I tried to twist my body around, but my legs were lead and held steadfast. The last time I had seen this thing, it didn't really have a solid shape of any sort. Now, though, I could clearly see the outline of a large, black dog within its body. The texture of matted fur even shifted in-between layers of the charcoal shadow that it was comprised of. The canine gnashed its equally dark teeth at me and more Cimmerian mist spilled from its open jaws.

The monster began to circle around me like a predator stalking its prey. It got closer and closer at an agonizingly slow pace, torturing me with the prospect of pain instead of straight on attack.

I wondered where the light had gone-the one that had saved me before. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I tried calling for it.

"Help me!" The pleas spilled from my lips and my voice cracked. "Please, please help!"

The dark entity flashed its beaming red eyes at me and quickened the pace towards me.

"Help!" I screamed, breaking down into sobs, scared of what was going to happen next.

"Elsa!" The beam of light shot through and pushed me out of the creature's path right before it charged me down. "Elsa!" It called in a silvery, ethereal voice, cradling me against the soft tendrils of white that extended from its slick, corporeal form. "Wake up!"

"What?"

"Elsa, wake up!"

"Huh?

"Wake Up!"

I opened my eyes, limbs flailing around and whimpered. "Anna? What are you... where..."

"You were having a bad dream." The redhead's petite body sank down onto the edge of my bed and grabbed my hand. "It's ok now, though. The nightmare is over. I'm here." Just having her in the room was making me feel lightheaded. The fact that she was in my bed? I couldn't even think straight.

A strangled gasp escaped from my throat as I struggled to stop hyperventilating. "Will you stay with me for the rest of the night?" I knew how childish and silly it was to ask, but I couldn't help it. I was shaken up and she was the only thing that could calm me down.

"Of course I will." She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before twisting around and swaddling herself under my covers. She reached out and wrapped her arms around me, making me feel very safe and secure in her embrace. I thanked God that even though her hands were at my stomach, she couldn't feel the butterflies forming there.

Anna was starting to become my anchor. In that moment, everything was perfect.

And besides, why would I ever choose to sleep alone when I knew very well that any night could be my last?

...

A/N: Hey! Long time, no update- am I right? lol. Now that I have a super cool beta, spacerib, my writing will be much more coherent and better spelled XD

Thank you all for your well wishes with my cancer stuff. As it turns out, my biopsy came back and I only have a pre-cancer! so yey! No chemo or anything this time, only a minor surgery to get the sucker out.

Let my know your comments, questions, concerns and what you would like to see next!

p.s. follow my beta and I on Tumblr. My username is elsassassyeyebrow and hers is spacerib. She also does super amazing art and stuff!

Always,

Jess


	11. Chapter 11: Off Balance

Don't wake me up

Chapter Eleven: Off Balance

Waking up in Elsa's arms was possibly the greatest feeling I had ever experienced.

Silently yawning, I noticed my heart rate start to speed up just because I was so hypersensitive of our proximity. Basking in the moment, I tried my best to breathe softly as to not wake her.

My eyes followed the particles of dust lazily floating through a shaft of light that refracted through the break between her windows and curtains. They spiraled around before landing softly on Elsa's rosy cheeks. The early morning sun cast her features in an ethereal light. She looked like a sleeping goddess.

I sighed aloud and immediately shut my mouth with a snap, regretting the noise that might have jostled her from such a peaceful slumber. All she did, however, was grumble a bit and move her arms lower on my back. It was a relief to hear a much different sound coming from her than the screaming in her sleep the previous night.

As soon as I climbed into bed with the blubbering girl, she had latched herself onto me and didn't let go. I could feel her warm breath ghosting across my skin, our noses mere inches from each other. I had no idea what her violent nightmare had been about, but whatever it was seemed traumatic.

I reached a hand from under the covers and tucked a lock of platinum blonde hair behind her ear. She would have looked serene, if not for the labored rise and fall of her chest. My heart sank as I remembered her words.

"Dying would be an awfully big adventure."

_Did she still feel that way?_

I was trying my best not to wake her, but I was starting to get uncomfortable as pins and needles popped around my arm crushed under her body. I cleared my throat and watched as her long lashes fluttered open. My heart skipped a beat as she rubbed her sleepy eyes and lazily gazed up at me.

"Oh. Hello." Her voice sounded slightly deeper than usual.

Butterflies twisted my stomach into knots as Elsa began to disentangle her limbs from my body.

"Hey."

She hummed a satisfied noise and raised an eyebrow at me. "This is nice."

_God, how is she being so smooth?!_

I uncharacteristically let out a giggle and proceeded to cover my face with the blanket in an attempt to hide the color flushing in.

"Is it, now?" I asked as my voice cracked. I wanted to slap myself. _Be cool. Be cool._

"Yeah." A half smirk curled up on her lips. "I haven't gotten to cuddle with anyone for a very long time." I almost gasped when she snuggled her head into the crook of my neck. I was trying as hard as I could to remain calm, but my insides felt like they were made of Jell-O.

I could feel her pulse thudding against the arc of her collarbones as she pressed her body into mine. "Oh. _Oh." _ I suddenly had the urge to push her away; the overbearing intimacy was borderline terrifying.

On a more base level, however, I wanted her like I wanted nothing else. Her nails dancing across the skin on my back, the soft curves of her body flush against mine, silky hair spilling across the bed sheets like liquid gold.

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god_.

Before my brain could process what was happening, she pulled her head up again to face me and wrapped her arms back around my neck.

I let out a strangled gasp.

"Are you okay?" Elsa laughed. I felt a sort of disappointed loss as she unhooked her arms again.

"I've never been better. This is so nice. I wish it could be like this all the time." I was proud of myself for being able to speak so clearly with a brain clouded from being so enamored.

"Me too." She responded warmly. Her eyes fell and she looked away. "But it can't, I have some things to take care of."

My composure returned at the sound of her strained voice. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

She hesitated and choked out, "Arrangements."

I felt water begin to well in my eyes when I realized what she was saying. They weren't just any arrangements.

They were funeral arrangements.

I grabbed her hand and laced our fingers together. "Do you want me to come?"

I swore I could see her pupils dilate as she trained her eyes back on me, this time with undeniable enthusiasm. "You would do that? For me?"

"Of course." _I would do anything for you._ I leaned in towards her, and rested my forehead against hers. My eyes flicked downwards, her lips looked so inviting, and they were mere centimeters away.

"Thank you. I've never had someone care for me enough to deal with my nightmares." There was a tremor in her voice as she continued, "Or something as serious as what I have to do later today. You are a blessing, Anna."

"Hardly. _You_ are the one who took_ me_ in, remember?" I pulled my eyelids half way over my eyes and slowly began to bridge the small remaining gap between us. My heart was beating out of my chest again. Those butterflies were feeling more like rabid dogs.

"Eh, you could make it without me." I could see her eyes closing too. "Intelligent, attractive women make it far in the world."

I knew exactly what she was insinuating, but asked my question anyway for the pure purpose of dramatic effect. "Are you calling me attractive?"

"You heard me right, Kitten." We were so close together that I'm sure she could hear the breath hitch in my throat.

"I thought you didn't like nicknames!" I protested, recalling that she hadn't been too fond of "Cupcake" earlier.

"Oh they are plenty excellent for _me_ to use on _you._" She brought her free hand to my face and traced the backs of her nails against my cheek, and I shivered in apprehension. Elsa was setting nerve endings on fire.

"Oh shut up." Her eyes were hooded as she leaned in closer. At that point, our noses were touching and I felt like I was going to pass out.

If a time had ever perfect for making a move, it was then.

If only life had been fair enough to let me have that moment.

"Hey Elsa I'm going to get a ride with Flynn to practice today so you can have the car. I'll be back home by-_**WOAH oh wow ok sorry**_," Kristoff's shocked voice came from the doorway.

_Busted._

Elsa sharply pulled away from me and removed herself completely from the bed. "It's not what it looks like."

My heart fell. _It isn't?_

"Yeah ok no um ok I'm leaving now I'll see you at four I'm sorry I yeah ok, " He clumsily spat out before making a b line for the exit.

Elsa just stood there, breathing heavily and staring at me, messy hair framing a wide-eyed stare.

I was disappointed that we had been cut off. I still didn't know if she felt the same way.

Not that I even knew what _I_ was feeling. I had never met anyone who had the ability to make me feel the way Elsa just had. '_So why not give into temptation?', _A little voice in my head nagged.

"You ok?" I asked, rolling out of bed as I tried my best not to ogle at her revealing pajamas: a loose t-shirt and silver, lacey underwear. My eyes raked down the creamy skin of her long, toned legs.

Ok. More like _major _temptation.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered curtly, brushing bangs from her face. Regaining some of her typical nonchalance, she pointed behind me to a pile of towels. "Hand me one?"

I rolled my eyes and tossed the towel on the top to her. She gave me one last suspicious once over before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

I sighed and anxiously ran my hands through my disheveled bed hair_. Damn._

She may have been fine with not figuring out what had just happened; but one thing was for sure.

I wasn't.

…...

It was possibly the most inviting funeral home I had ever seen; Deep red, cherry wood pews, mottled pine floors, burgundy stained glass windows and rows upon rows of pink chrysanthemums.

If it weren't for the black coffin smack in the middle of the room, like an angry scar across a canvas, the whole scene could have been from a quaint little chapel.

"Our prices are very reasonable as well," the chipper funeral director told us as she led us to the casket display room. She wore a pinstriped pantsuit with bright pink heels and her bottle blonde hair pulled angrily into a restricting bun.

"Breaking stereotypes all over the place." I whispered aside to Elsa, attempting to elicit some sort of response from her stoic expression. For someone who was picking out what she might be buried in, she seemed unflappable. She gave me a discouraged half smile and quickly shot her eyes down to the floor.

All of this was precautionary, of course. She had a great chance of beating the cancer, but even so, one could never be too prepared.

I, on the other hand, was finding it hard to contain how distressed I was with it all. Before, the thought of her passing had been…well… not real. But as soon as we went into the graveyard to look at gravestones, breathing became physically painful. I could only imagine what it was like for her on the inside.

The director's words were merely muffled white noise to my overexposed senses. I glanced helplessly at Elsa who was still looked ridiculously untroubled by the whole affair, arms crossed and brows furrowed. She looked completely unphased, completely contradictory to the circumstances.

Only when she was asked the question to end all questions did I notice her foot begin to tap nervously.

"Do you want your plot to be next to your parents' graves?" The director said it as if it had been her morning coffee order.

Not even able to manage an answer, Elsa just nodded and shut her eyes tightly. Without a second thought, I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

I rubbed my thumb across the ice-cold skin of her fingers as we headed into the offices around the back of the building. My heart clenched in my chest as she shivered and audibly gulped.

"I-I think I need a minute." Elsa spluttered, tearing her hand from mine and dashing to the restroom.

I shot an apologetic look at the bewildered funeral director and raced after my poor friend who had just disappeared around the shadowy corner.

In a frenzy, I bolted into the bathroom foyer and saw Elsa, head in her hands, collapsed and whimpering in the brown leather chair at the corner of the room. She had been so strong up until now, so ready to face this. I guess it had become real for her then, too.

"Oh Elsa," I said as I gathered her up in my arms and let her sob uncontrollably into my shoulder. "I'm here. I'm right here. And you? You aren't going anywhere."

She clawed at my back to pull me closer and I obliged, drawing myself completely around her as if I was shielding her body from a storm.

I honestly didn't know where all of the compassion was coming from. I had definitely never felt the need to comfort anyone before- and someone I had only known for a couple weeks?

I had a sinking feeling in my gut. _This isn't going to end well._

I could feel my heart breaking as she cried. I pressed a kiss into the top of her head. _So maybe I am falling for her. You'd think you'd learn. _I cursed myself as ran my fingers through her hair. Elsa had been the kindest person I had ever chanced meeting. _I should return the favor at least._

A surge of overprotection seemed to course through me. I just wanted to save her.

"I'm here." I repeated, rocking us back and forth, pushing all worry from my mind. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

If only I had known that I was lying.

...

A/N: *braces self for onslaught of angry reviews* DO YOUR WORST

haha...yeah...soooo

That was light angst compared to what is in store, I'm afraid to say. Let me know what you loved, what you hated and what you would like to see next- my baller beta, who is literally the greatest human being ever, ALSO did INCREDIBLE fan art for me, which can be found on her tumblr: spacerib, or mine: elsassassyeyebrow. Anywho, thanks for reading and reviewing, share my fic with your fellow elsanna shipper buds!

Always,

Jess


	12. Chapter 12: Validation

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Twelve: Validation

"I think I have an idea to cheer you up." Anna told me as we got into the car to head home.

"Yeah?" I said, wiping the remnants of my tearful breakdown from my eyes.

"Well, how do you feel about your white walls? Because, you know, they seem pretty plain to me…"

"Paint them." I interrupted her, knowing immediately what she was going to suggest. "Yes. Please."

Being in the funeral home had really opened my eyes to my variably approaching mortality. If I was going to live, why not live with as much color as I could?

It warmed my heart to see her eyes light up. "Really?! We can do it together!"

"Oh! Not me, I can't paint for the life of me. I would just screw it up." I declared with a dark laugh as I pulled onto the highway.

"Not if I help, you won't."

I looked at her skeptically.

"Trust me!" She begged, hoping that pleading would change my mind. She wriggled her nose and opened her eyes into a wide, puppy dog stare. How could I say no to that face?

"Alright, alright. You win," I conceded, giving into her whims. "Do we need to go buy paint?"

"All of my good acrylics are still at the foster home, if you want to go there and," she swallowed, "you know."

"I can go and get them if you want to stay in the car," I offered with a soft, sympathetic smile.

She breathed a sigh of relief and her death grip on the car's center console eased. "You are the best."

I just hummed, squeezing my eyes open and shut over and over again in an attempt to suppress the heavy feeling that began to condense in my chest.

"Hardly."

…...

It had been a rollercoaster of a day. And it wasn't even over yet.

There was nothing that could have prepared me for what was waiting up on the second floor of that red, brick building downtown.

As I trudged up the rickety metal stairs, I kept going over in my head where Anna said I would find her paints- in the closet of her old room. I crossed my fingers and hoped to God that I wouldn't run into Hans. _That dick._

I was surprised to see the front desk empty as I eased my way into the lobby. The whole room was vacant, in fact. I knew I probably wasn't supposed to without permission, but I pushed the hallway door open and went in search of Gerda.

I spotted the sign for the main office right next to where Anna's room had been. Figuring that I might find her in there, I simultaneously opened the heavy door and knocked on the inside as I peeped my head in.

Oh, I found Gerda all right.

But she wasn't alone.

And from the look on her face, I had just interrupted something that had not meant to be seen by intruding eyes.

The woman sitting opposite Gerda on the other side of her desk was quite peculiar. She was clad in a pristine, fur pashmina that matched her white, leather Burkin Bag. She seemed a little too middle aged for the gold blouse and pencil skirt she was wearing, but who was I to judge?

"Elsa." Gerda said in a reprimanding tone.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in." I immediately apologized, starting to shut the door. "I'll wait out here."

"Wait." Said the overly gilded woman while she ran her acrylic nails through hair extensions. "This is the Elsa she is staying with?"

Gerda nodded with a sickening frown, as if she could predict exactly what was about to happen.

"Who are you?" I demanded, very disconcerted by what she had just said. What business is it of hers? Unless, of course...

Her face was cold and completely devoid of emotion; save for her eyes, which betrayed her anguish.

"I'm Anna's mother."

...

I tried my best not to meet Anna's eyes as I shoved the box of paints into her lap.

"Whoa, hey, sorry." Her body jolted into an upright position. "I fell asleep," she said with an apologetic smile.

I sucked in a breath and cleared my throat. "Sorry I took so long, I had trouble finding them," I lied through my teeth.

Even through my eyes were trained on the road as I backed out if our parking spot, I knew her eyebrows had furrowed. "Is something wrong?" She put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a comforting squeeze. "You seem tense."

"I, uh...I'm ok," I lied again; thoughts flashing back to what Gerda had told me upstairs.

_"You can't tell Anna. At least, not yet. No one is ready for this." She told me sternly._

_"She has a right to know!" I protested._

_"And she will, dear!" Anna's mother assured me. "I'm just waiting for the right time. I'm not even ready."_

_"How can you even say that? You abandoned her!" I was seething at that point, my balled up fists clenched at my sides._

_She opened up her mouth to defend herself, but Gerda interrupted, saying "this is Marianne's first time visiting here. Her story is...complicated. And we will work on making things right." Gerda was up out of her chair now, pacing the length of the room. "You have to understand, Elsa. These things take time."_

Until that time came, I promised that I would keep Anna in the dark about what I knew. It felt so wrong, lying to her. _Whatever I choose to do, I'm betraying someone._

"Whatever you say, Els." Anna leaned her feet up on the dash and turned her white baseball cap backward. "Let me know when you feel like talking about it.

"You look funny in that hat," I drawled, attempting to change the subject.

"No I don't!" Anna asserted as she smacked her hands down on the center console. "It looks badass! I'm pulling it off."

"Whatever you say, Anna." I chuckled as I repeated what she said to me earlier and shook my head. She really did look adorable in the cap; I just enjoyed giving her a hard time about it. Her reaction was even cuter than the hat.

She crossed her arms over her chest like a three year old having a tantrum and refused to say another word.

"I called Kris and asked him to cover my furniture in plastic so we won't have to worry about dripping paint on anything."

"Ok!" Anna's face lit up and I reveled in her happiness. "Maybe we can get a whole wall done today!"

My worries about keeping secrets from Anna faded from my mind as we pulled onto my street. All I could think about was her streak of silky, golden hair that fluttered in the wind from the passenger side window. And the way her tanned legs shone in the warm, afternoon light; the way she could jabber away for hours on end about the most random things; the way she made my heart flutter every time she said my name.

I was so focused on Anna, in fact, that I dismissed the small pain in my head as nothing. And even as the pressure increased inside, I pushed past it.

She was rambling to me about different kinds of paints and brush techniques as I stuck my key into the lock and let us into my apartment. "Where did you learn all of this stuff anyway?" I inquired, wondering how an orphan could afford technical art classes.

"There was this girl, Rapunzel. Freaky name, right?"

I laughed as I set my stuff down on the kitchen counter before pouring water and grabbing a roll of paper towels for our creative endeavors.

She continued. "Well, a couple years ago, she and I were living at a foster home in Santa Barbara and she taught me everything. She learned it all from this crazy lady who had been her foster mom for a while. She ended up back in the system after this woman died, but eventually found her parents. As it turned out, her mother and father gave her up for adoption because they were an unmarried couple still in high school. They regretted ever letting her go, and eventually found her again. Her dad was actually the mayor of some little town in Northern California." I could see the hope glistening in Anna's eyes that something like this might actually someday happen to her.

I took all of my willpower not to tell her that it actually could.

"That's amazing!" I said as I leaned my weight on the counter. My body was starting to feel achy along with my headache, but I just brushed it off as a lack of sleep the previous night from my nightmares.

She carried the paints into my room and I followed closely behind her. Kristoff had done a great job covering my stuff in tarps so that I wouldn't have to worry about splattering paint anywhere. He had left a sticky note on my plastic covered bed that read: _will be gone until 7 pm. Have fun, kiddos ;)._

I immediately snatched it up and threw it into my trash can.

"What was that?" Anna asked as she squirted some royal blue acrylic onto her palate.

"Eh, nothing." I answered a little too quickly.

She let out an uneasy laugh. "You've been acting strange lately."

I took a couple labored steps forward and ignored her statement. "You're going to have to teach me how to do this."

She sighed, knowing that there was no getting through to me now, and handed me a brush covered in the thick paint. "Start with small brush strokes, and when you get more comfortable, just go for it."

"But I don't even know what I'm doing! What am I painting? Where do I start?" My voice rose in pitch.

"Shh shh shh," she put a finger to my mouth. "Don't stress. Just start painting and it will come to you."

I gulped and pressed my brush against the wall, smearing a streak of blue across the perfectly white canvas. It was very satisfying, getting to make imperfections on an otherwise immaculate surface. As of late, my whole world seemed to revolve around that idea of satisfaction in destruction and integrity in infirmity. The finished product would be made up of millions of those tiny imperfections on my eggshell walls, all coming together to form a beautiful mural.

From the looks of my struggling, though, it was going to be far from easy.

"Here" Anna came up behind me and placed her fingertips lightly right behind my hand on the brush handle. I shivered as she pressed her body into my back and rested her chin on my shoulder. It was such an out of the blue, bold move that I almost yelped in surprise. I was having serious heart palpitations.

She guided my brush forward and made a perfect, swirling stroke. "See! You are doing fine." Her breath tickled my ear and I found it hard to stand up straight instead of melting into the floor. I leaned my head against her own and I vaguely heard her gulp.

I stammered out a thank you as déjà vu from that very morning hit me: our bodies touching, being weak at the knees, hoping more than anything that she was interested.

I was expecting to hear a "you're welcome," but instead, I felt her hands grab me by the shoulders and spin me around to face her. Without a single word, she pulled me in close and ghosted her lips across mine, barely letting them touch.

"I hope you are thinking the same thing I'm thinking," She said in a low voice as I saw her eyes close.

"I think I am," I managed to mumble out before she grabbed the back of my head and pulled me completely into a lascivious kiss.

My mind was reduced to one thought in that moment: _Holy crap holy crap holy crap holy crap holy crap holy crap. _I couldn't even believe it was happening.

She bit my bottom lip and I opened my mouth further, granting her tongue deeper access. I moaned and she pulled us apart.

"Good. That's a good reaction."

I didn't even respond and instead pushed her against the wall, capturing her lips in mine once again. I had a taste and I wasn't going to let go any time soon. _Tease_. She hiked her leg over my hip and I thought I was going to die right then and there.

I attributed my lightheadedness to the lip-lock with Anna, but little did I know, my justification was wrong.

As I felt sharp pain sear across the back of my neck, I pulled away from her.

"Well that _was_ interesting." Anna chuckled, unable to suppress her gigantic smile. She hadn't noticed yet why I had pulled away.

I tried to focus my eyes but my vision blurred, everything looked as if it was pulsating. I grabbed her shoulder, unable to speak the word: _help._

She realized something was terribly off when the seizure started. "Oh my God," I heard her muffled voice say as my body rolled into uncontrollable convulsions. She caught me before I fell to the ground and laid me softly on the floor. "I'm calling 911 right now."

The last thing I remembered was the sight of my ceiling through shuddering eyelids.

Then nothing.

...

A/N: Hello avid readers! lets make it to one hundred reviews this update? Whadya say!? I read and love and take to heart every. single. review. Let me know what you liked, disliked and would like to see next. Some of you may have noticed that I'm using people's suggestions- not because I'm a lazy writer, but because I believe that every story is a collaboration and a work of art between many people. That being said, thanks to my amazing beta, Spacerib, for another awesome edit!

Anyway, if you people haven't noticed yet, the chapter titles are all different stages of grief that are jumbled up in correlation to Elsa's battle with cancer. I'm trying to make it reflect the idea that everyone experiences grief differently.

Thanks for all of your support and see you next update!

Always,

Jess


	13. Chapter 13: Trial

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Thirteen: Trial

Before I even opened my eyes, I knew where I was. The _buzz_ of monitoring systems; the acrid smell of artificial cleaning agents; the scratch of stiff, over-washed sheets on my skin.

I was back in the hospital.

This time, however, I woke up alone. With a high degree of familiarity, I dug around the side table and snatched up the call button, giving it a faint press.

I sighed. _Back again_.

I really should have expected it and it was stupid of me to not be mentally prepared for the static existence in a rolling bed. After all, it was _cancer_.

A nurse, trailed close behind by my brother, strode in a moment later. Without saying anything, Kristoff gave me a gentle hug and hunkered down in the chair at my side.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Asked the nurse as she snatched up my chart and gave it a half-hearted once-over. I recognized her as the nurse who talked to me when I first checked into the hospital, before I even knew what was wrong with me.

"I feel like I've been run over by a bus," I croaked out. Even my voice was weak. I really did feel like absolute hell; as if my whole body had been through a meat grinder. "I'm still lightheaded, too. Am I going to start…" I searched for the word, "shaking again?"

"No, honey. We have you on anti-seizure medication now." She smiled and scribbled something at the bottom of my chart.

"Wait," Kristoff sat up straight in his chair to address her directly. "No one said anything about seizures. I was told that she just passed out and collapsed."

"I'm afraid it's not that simple anymore." She sat down at the end of my bed and sympathetically placed a hand lightly on my lower leg. It took some self-control not to recoil at her touch.

"Then what happened?" I interrupted, before Kristoff could say something hotheaded. I could sense his temper starting to rise at the news of being completely in the dark about what was happening to me.

"It has to do with the way Acute Myeloid Leukemia metastasizes in the body. Once it starts collecting and growing in certain organs, you will begin to develop more serious symptoms." She paused for a deep breath. "Doctor Denove could explain it better, unfortunately he won't be in until tomorrow."

"Do your best, then." Kris demanded. "Symptoms like what? What caused the seizure?"

She gave me an uneasy look and continued. "When the cancer reaches organs like the liver, your body will have trouble processing food and you will be more prone to food poisoning. Cancer in the Lymph Nodes will cause swelling, fatigue, and muscular degradation. You may eventually experience loss of appetite, vomiting and trouble balancing as well." I felt sick already just listening to her list all of it. "The seizure, though? That was caused by the cancer reaching your brain and spinal cord."

_Oh. _

"What can we do? She'll still be ok when we do the transplant, right?" Panic was rising in Kristoff's voice.

The nurse hesitated and rubbed her arm absentmindedly. "If we can get the right donor in time, then yes." I couldn't even pitch in my two cents; I felt like I had just jumped out of a plane without a parachute. Maybe it was the drugs they had me on, or maybe it was fear paralyzing me; but I was frozen still, unable to move a muscle.

"Well how much time do we have?" He had abandoned all attempts at hiding his desperation.

"Once we have the marrow, it's a matter of weeks for screening and processing. So realistically? Days."

"Where's Anna?" I interjected, having no desire to find out more about how critical my situation was.

"She's downstairs." Kris grabbed my hand. "They'll only let family in until the doctor says otherwise."

"And as I said," she added, standing up once again. "He isn't on call until tomorrow morning. Once he is here, he can do a final check up and send you home."

My heart fell. I felt guilty for thinking it, with my brother loyally at my side, but Anna was the only thing in that moment that could have truly made me feel well again.

"I'll tell her that you're doing better." He promised me without a second thought.

"I…Ok, I guess." I stopped myself from correcting him. I wasn't doing better. In fact, I was the farthest from 'better' that I could ever be. I knew that it was so much worse than anyone could have imagined when I was first given a fifty percent chance of survival. I didn't know what my statistics were now, but whatever the number was, it surely made fifty look like a cakewalk.

He nodded, understanding. "I'll get you some food while I'm downstairs, too. Any preferences?"

"Anything with chocolate," I told him, hoping that even just a reminder of Anna would cheer me up.

Before he and the nurse left, she added, "The best thing for you now is sleep. We will do our best to figure everything out. Rest is all that is in your control now."

I would have taken her advice.

But I was too afraid of the nightmares to fall asleep.

…

Soon after they were gone, my cellphone began to buzz on the side table, alerting me to a call. The caller ID spelled out Gerda and I eagerly picked it up on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello. Elsa?" Her voice burned with monotony: a single, determined tone.

"Yes, its me."

"You haven't let Anna know about her mother yet, have you?"

"No." Guilt ate away at my stomach as soon as the word left my lips. _What kind of awful friend am I?_

"I know it's hard, dear. But it's for her own good. She won't understand unless we approach this from the right angle."

"Ok." The heavy feeling on my chest hadn't subsided.

"I think we are ready to explain it to her, though. But I'm going to need your help."

"Ok," I repeated.

"You'll have to get her to come with you to her mother's therapist's office in a couple days. We want to do this on neutral ground. But you can't let her know where you are taking her, otherwise she won't come."

"Of course." The words stung like acid in my throat. _More lies_.

"Good. I will call you back later to let you know when and where." She cleared her throat. "Thank you, Elsa."

"Yeah." I was at a loss for any other words. "Talk to you later."

She hung up the phone with a decisive _click_.

_What am I doing?_

…

Four hours passed and the sun had set outside my tiny window before anyone opened my door again. The figure who silently eased their way inside avoided turning on my light, however, leaving the room blanketed in shadow. I assumed it was Kristoff trying not to stir me from slumber, but as soon as they crept up to my side, I could tell that it sure wasn't my lumbering Hulk of a brother.

"Anna!" I exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

She slinked down into the chair. The familiarity of us both in a hospital room was killing me. "I couldn't very well stay away, could I?"

"It's against the rules!"

"Screw the rules," She said defiantly as she leaned down and gave me a long, lingering kiss.

"Thank God you haven't changed your mind about us." I said as she pulled away. Her warm lips tasted of sugar and strawberries.

"Why would I change my mind?" She inquired.

"I don't know. Nothing, forget about it."

She appeased me with a lighthearted laugh. "I'm glad you are feeling better. Kristoff told me everything."

"He even told you about the cancer in my spinal chord?" Saying it out loud felt like a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

"Even that." She paused to place a bouquet of flowers in a crystal vase on my table. "We are going to get through this." I wholly, truly and completely believed it when she said it.

I watched intently as she shifted closer to me and winced.

"Are you ok?" I asked her, eyes searching for anything that could have caused her pain.

"Yeah, its nothing, just a cramp in my side." She smiled. "Don't worry about me, ok? You just focus on recovering. Please." I rolled my eyes and her grin deepened. "I even brought you that chocolate you asked for." She presented me with a large bowl of ice cream.

"That looks divine." I said as she handed it to me. I sank my teeth into the creamy treat and watched the satisfied look on Anna's face turn to one of envy. "Here, have some!" I offered her a large spoonful and she gladly ate it.

"You're cute," she said, reaching out her thumb to wipe melted ice cream from my chin. "Better than chocolate."

I didn't even try to hide the blush as is warmly spread across my face. "Considering the fact that chocolate is practically your life source, I'm going to take that as a huge compliment."

"As you should," she asserted, crossing her arms playfully. I couldn't help but laugh at her antics. And for just a little while, there I was. Carefree laughter. chocolate icecream. In that moment, I forgot that I was dying.

"You are amazing, you know that?" I told her incisively. "Practically perfect in every way."

"That's crazy talk. They obviously shouldn't be giving you so much morphine." She leaned down once more to kiss my forehead and an uneasy wave of distress washed over me.

I feared more than anything the pain I would cause her if I didn't make it. It felt like being crushed under a pile of boulders.

"I need to go to the bathroom, I don't feel well," I announced, trying to keep the grief from bubbling up in my voice.

"Oh, ok. Let me help you." She rolled my IV rack around to the side and aided me out of bed. I slowly trudged to the tiny bathroom inside of my hospital room and shut the door softly behind me.

I huffed out a breath and leaned my elbows down on the sink. It took a lot of willpower to bring my head up and stare myself down in the mirror.

"What are you doing?" I whispered to myself. "You're only going to hurt her." My reflection had nothing to say. Disturbed by my lack of solace, I ran my hands under the cold water and washed them over my face. I knew how selfish I was being, wanting her in that way when I knew very well how it would probably end. However, I couldn't bring myself to push her away.

She may not have even realized it, but I needed her too much.

"Yes, hello?" I heard from outside in my room. I pushed open the door to see who Anna was talking to, but saw no one else there. That's when I realized she had answered my phone.

"I'm sorry, _what did you just say_?" Anna's face had contorted itself into a map of anger and dismay. I stood there, frozen in the doorway, staring dumbfounded at the horrific scene that was unfolding.

A muffled answer sounded from the other end of the phone. "Oh my god." Her eyes rose to meet mine. They spelled out a very simple message: _betrayal_.

The worst part about it was that I knew I deserved that look. And everything it implied. There was another response from the phone, then nothing. Anna silently hung up the phone and set it gingerly down on the bed in front of her.

"I have a mother?" Her voice was devoid of feeling.

It was the second time that day I was at a loss for words.

Her eyebrows crossed and she pulled her mouth into a tight line. "You knew about this? And you kept it from me?" She wasn't even yelling- yelling I could have handled. She was _heartbroken_.

"I-"

"'_YOU_' nothing!" She spat at me, standing up and reaching out for her bag. "I knew I made a mistake trusting you. All anyone ever does to me is lie and leave." Her words were systematically crushing me.

I didn't even whimper as unyielding tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I thought we were friends." My heart felt like it had flat-lined. "More than friends!"

I opened my mouth to say that she was wrong; to say that I had been trying to help her and that it was all for her own benefit. All that came out was a distressed, choking sound. She shook her head in utter disappointment and turned to leave.

"Goodbye, Elsa."

She stormed out of the room, pausing only to turn back at me and raise her index finger, as if she had one more thing to stab me with. But she decided against it and gave me a look of defeat instead before slamming the door behind her.

I looked over to see the vase of flowers Anna had set on my table earlier and started hysterically weeping aloud when I realized exactly what they were.

They were climbing roses.

In that moment, I realized just how much I cared for her, how much she meant to me, and how much I loved her.

But it was too late.

She was gone.

...

A/N: Thank you guys for all of the incredible support, so many of your reviews are moving to me. Let me know what you thought *cringes*.

I officially have the whole thing planned out and boy- is it gunna be a doozy.

Always,

Jess


	14. Chapter 14: Vanished

Chapter Fourteen: Vanished

It hadn't set in that she was gone.

Any moment I expected Anna to walk back through that door and gather me up in her arms. She would tell me that everything was fine. That she forgave me; that she understood.

But how could I expect that to happen, when I hadn't even said that I was sorry_. What's wrong with me?_

One hour passed as I paced the room back and forth before the clock hit 10 pm. And then another hour as I sat in the corner, head in my hands and knees pulled up to my chest. By the time one in the morning rolled around, I was hyperventilating, imagining where Anna could have gone when she fled the hospital.

I knew she wouldn't go back to the foster home. Nothing, save for divine intervention, could force her back there. Especially now that she knew Gerda, the only other person she trusted, had also been keeping things from her.

It occurred to me that she might return to my apartment for her things, but even that was highly doubtful. She would have to see Kristoff and explain to him why she was leaving. If I knew Anna well enough, I knew she was more of a 'fight now, think later" personality type. It was one of the things that I admired so much about her.

Another wave of tears ran unyielding down my face.

She had been in my life for only a few weeks, but what she had brought to me had been more than I could ever ask for. She gave me hope and joy and unadulterated comfort: things I had only ever gotten from my late mother.

What had I done to thank her? I threw it back in her face with betrayal. _Good job, Elsa. You've done a great job screwing yourself over_.

_And now you are going to die alone_.

I was in such a state that a part of me wished I would just pass right then and there. I mean, what was the point off all that prolonged suffering without any redeeming factors?

After all, that's what she had been. Anna was my redeeming factor.

_Don't cry. Don't cry over someone you barely know. No, no, no_.

I tried my very hardest not to close my eyes and let myself drift into sleep because I knew what would happen if I did. But I couldn't help it. My body felt heavy and my head was throbbing with fatigue.

My frail and ailing form had won out. Burdened by exhaustion and defeated by weakness, I let myself fall into tormented sleep.

...

This dream wasn't like the others. For one, I was completely lucid. And I wasn't alone in the darkness either.

In fact, I was in a crowd of people.

Bodies with unrecognizable faces pushed past me into an unmarked, grey building and I followed behind them slowly, idling my way through the double doors.

The room was absolutely bustling with people moving around to no place in particular, as if in a crowded subway station. I pushed myself up to the front of the room and found a stark, white coffin in the very center.

Tentatively I stood next to it, staring down at the sleek, eggshell box and ran my hand softly over the dark, cherry wood appliqués that wound their way down the sides.

Teeming with curiosity, I popped open the lid and peered inside, gasping as soon as my eyes met with the blank face I had seen so many times.

I had expected it to be me in there. Nightmares always seem to go that way, especially since I was actually headed down that road. I had even been prepared to look upon my cold, dead, corpse.

But it wasn't me in the coffin.

_It was Anna_.

Too shocked to even stand, I fell to my knees and looked around for help; but the crowd was gone and the room was empty.

Heart pounding, I grasped the edge of the coffin and yanked myself up back to my feet, still weak at the knees.

I choked when I saw that Anna's body was gone and soft bed of red velvet was empty.

"Elsa."

I shrieked aloud and whipped around to face a single person at the back of the building. She was draped in layers of black and leaned against the wall in the shadows. I still knew that I was dreaming, but the realistic nature and detail of everything was making my mind fuzzy. Reality was the farthest thing from me in that moment.

"Anna?"

Desperately, I ran towards her. I was about to wrap my arms around her and pull her close, but I stopped myself right in front of her when I saw an angry scowl written across her face.

"Anna?" I repeated, a little quieter. "I thought I lost you."

"No." Her eyes burned a hateful red. "_I_ lost _you._"

"I'm right here, Anna." I reached out to place my hand her shoulder, but she flinched away and backed up, shoulder blades connecting with the wall behind her in a muffled _thud_.

"You left me!"

"I... No! No! You-" determined to calm her down, I reached my arms out towards her once more and she ducked under my grasp, bolting towards the doors.

I chased after her as she flung them open and stared into the bustling sea of people that was still outside. "Anna!" I called after her. "Come back! Stop running from me!"

She pivoted sharply, her grimace melting into a sad smile as she said, "I'm not the one who is running, Elsa."

With one last defeated sigh, she turned towards the mob of bodies and disappeared into the masses.

I was alone once more.

"Anna!" I yelled out even though I knew it was pointless. I wanted more than anything not to wake up; not to deal with what was waiting for me. The waking world was more of a terror than my nightmare. Dream coming to a close, my vision faded into black.

…...

With a sharp intake of breath, I jerked awake. My sore eyes opened and I shakily sat up in bed. I peered around the empty room illuminated solely by the sunrise that seemed to mock me as it filtered through the dirty blinds.

It was a new day. Another 24 hours to face with a terminal illness eating me away from the inside.

I placed my head in my hands and let silent tears quietly seep from my eyes. I knew what I had to do. I had let her know how I felt. And that I was sorry. There was only one way I could do that.

"I have to find her," I told myself. "_I have to_."

Doctor Donove and Kristoff came for me as soon as visiting hours began.

He said it had been an anonymous donation.

I was absolutely shocked when he told me, huge smile brimming to the corners of his face. "They came in yesterday and just happened to have the same blood type and gene alleles as you do at the marrow chromosome loci. You are going to be ok, Elsa!"

Kristoff stared blankly at him. "I don't know what any of that means, but I am so unbelievably happy." He turned to hug me and let out a gigantic sigh of relief.

"I- I don't know what to say," I interjected. "Thank you, doctor."

"You're welcome." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Now, we will need time to screen the marrow and test it for disease. As long as everything goes well, and it should, then you will be back in for your surgery very soon."

As Kristoff and I walked out to the car, I almost broke down again. I was going to be ok, but what was the point? What was the point of living if I didn't get to be alive with Anna? I sat in weary silence for most of the drive until a thought hit me.

"Kris?" I asked right before the freeway exit into the city.

"Yeah?" He drummed his hands on the steering wheel to the tune of "Wayward Son" as it blasted from the radio. He hadn't mentioned anything about not seeing Anna. Maybe he knew she had left, maybe he could tell something had happened from the way I was acting; but either way, I was grateful for the lack of prying.

"Can we stop at the foster home?"

"Oh! Yes of course," he said, perplexed as he pulled off the freeway at the last minute. "Is this…is this about Anna?" His voice was quiet and tentative.

I just nodded, unable to answer him.

"Ok, ok. Do you need me to go up with you?"

"No, I can handle this. I just need to talk to Gerda. Maybe ask some of the other orphan kids some questions." If I was going to find her, I knew I had to start somewhere.

"You think she's back here?" He asked as he pulled the car to a stop.

"No, Anna isn't up there," I told him firmly. "But someone who knows something might be."

He couldn't help but let out a snort. "That's pretty vague, Sherlock." I just rolled my eyes and shut the car door behind me. Kris rolled down the window and yelled out to me, "careful in there! The game is afoot!"

I felt the muscles burning in my legs as I hustled my way up the decrepit staircase. Jogging my way into the facility, I pushed past the lobby, through the doorway and found myself face to face with the devil himself.

"Hans." I spat out, poison seeping uncontrollably from my voice.

"You," He answered blankly. "Where's your girlfriend? I noticed she moved out. You two been sharing a bed?" His face lit up with a sleazy smirk.

"None of your damn business," I asserted, attempting to push past him. But he slammed his hand against the wall directly in front of my face, muscled arm blocking my way.

"Let. Me. Go." I hissed angrily through my teeth.

"Not as long as I can stare at your pretty face, baby." I could see how Anna reasoned punching this guy in the face.

"Move out of my way, you swine. Before I get my turn to sock you." I really didn't know where all the anger was bubbling up from, but It sure made me feel powerful.

Anger boiled on his face, then his lips curled up into a smile that could only be described as absolutely insane. "You are just as feisty as the day I met you, Elsa."

"Whoa," I shrank back and stared him down, unblinking. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He chucked deep and cruel. "You don't remember? The park? You kicked me in the shin. Always had a wild streak in you, huh?" He reached out a hand to my cheek and I slapped it away.

My memory was slowly starting to return. What he said sounded familiar; like the déjà vu you get from a dream. A park. A little red- haired girl. My mother.

My eyes widened as the whole thing came rushing back to me.

Very suddenly, very clearly, and without a single doubt in my mind, I knew where Anna had gone.

"Elsa! Where are you going?" He yelled out to me, but I didn't bother to answer.

I was too busy running.

...

A/N: Hey kiddos! Sorry its been a week, I've had some very strange distractions lately lol. Anyway, a lot of you have found me on tumblr now which I think is the tops and I want to say thank you and I love youuu. If anyone else is looking there I am 'elsassassyeyebrow' and my beta is 'spacerib'.

Thanks for all of your amazing support and reviews, guys! They are so touching and they inspire me to keep going. Let me know what you loved, hated and want to see next!

In other news, my birthday is one day away! wooo!

Always,

Jess


	15. Chapter 15: Transparent

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter Fifteen: Transparent

"You should do this alone."

"I know.

"She might not listen to you."

"I know."

I cleared my throat and slid my way out of the car, heart pounding with anxiety. With all the children headed for school that morning, the space was void of any movement or sound. The park was a colorful ghost town with paint was chipping from every surface. The gaudy, green monkey bars stuck out like a sore thumb and ground was spongy underfoot.

Exactly how I remembered it.

A lonely set of swings swayed gently as a light breeze picked up. I wrapped my emaciated arms around myself, attempting to conserve some warmth. _Thank god for the donor_, I thought to myself. _I'm tired of wasting away_.

The ride there had been shrouded in a heavy silence. Kris still didn't know what had happened between us, and I still wasn't keen on telling him. After all, I was wholly to blame.

I wished with all my being that Anna could find it in her heart to forgive me.

As my blue converse tapped lightly down the pavement, I rounded the swing set and kept my eyes open for the color red.

I glanced at the wooden bench to the side of the swing set and imagined my mother, just as she sat there when I was a child, watching me play along as she pruned a bouquet of roses. I let the memory run through its course, making my heartbeat speed up. I remembered her, the sun glinting in her golden hair, as she handed me one of the flowers and told me to give it to the little girl she saw crying behind the slide. I smiled to myself as I recalled kicking Hans in the shin and watching him flee from me, fear in his eyes.

It didn't take long for me to spot a flash of auburn hair out of my peripheral vision, hidden under the slide. Precisely where she had been as a small child all those years ago. Taking a deep breath and mustering up all the courage I could, I called out, "Anna?"

Her head popped up from where it had been resting on her arms and she whipped around to face me. Her red, irritated eyes widened with shock. She had her legs curled into her stomach, baggy red sweater pulled around her knees.

"I don't want to talk to you, Elsa." She spat out the syllables of my name like they were soured milk.

"Anna, please." I begged. "Let me explain."

"Explain what?" She snapped. "Explain how you lied? How you kept things from me?" Her cheeks shone in the dim morning light, slick with tears.

"Not explain," I corrected myself. "Apologize." I stood there in front of her completely exposed, vulnerable and at her rare mercy.

Her biting tone reminded me of our butting heads in the hospital before she remembered me. All of that hate for nothing. It stung more now because this time she actually had a reason. "Let me apologize."

"_Sorry_ can't fix everything. This isn't some little white lie."

"I know that." My stomach was churning and the bitter taste of bile rose in the back of my throat.

"Then why did you even bother looking for me? Haven't you done enough damage?" I cringed as she said it. That one felt like a rock to the head.

"Please just give me a chance." I took a step closer, attempting to ease my way in and not make her bolt from me once more.

"_Fat_ chance." She scoffed and bit her tongue. "How do you figure?"

I was silent for a while as I sat down in the sand a yard away from her feet. She gave me a weary look and ducked her head further under the slide like a cornered animal. "You're here, aren't you?"

Her eyebrows furrowed, scowl scorching intensely all the way to the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, what about it? How'd you even know where to find me?

"Because I remember this place, Anna. I remember what happened here. I know that we have a chance because this is where you came. I saved you here when we were children. I'll always be here to save you no matter what. Just like when we were kids! You're here because you know it, too! I may screw up along the way..."

"_I'm_ not the one who needed saving. _You_ did."

"What do you mean, _did?"_

She shook her head as if trying to clear through her conscious. "Nothing, nothing. You _do_. You _do_ need saving. More than I ever will."

"Oh."

"You want to know why I didn't tell you about this place?"

I didn't answer.

"I figured you had forgotten. And even if you remembered, you wouldn't have remembered me. So why did it matter anyway?"

"I do. I do remember you, now. Why didn't you tell me when you figured out who I was? How can you be so upset with me when I'm not the only one with secrets?"

Her voice was kinder with me now, but much more conflicted with agony. Discord reverberated in my heart at the very sound of it. "Elsa, listen. I never told you because in the back of my mind, I've always been afraid that I would fall too hard for you. And you wouldn't feel the same way."

"You know I feel the same way about you. At least you do now. Not that it matters anymore if you can't forgive me."

"It's not just about forgiveness. You know what the worst part was?" She didn't give me time to respond and I bit back a response. "The worst part about breaking my heart was that I know you didn't mean to hurt me. It would be so much easier if you had done it just because you were an asshole. But you aren't. So now I'm stuck here in this limbo of wanting you and hating you; every part of me screams that I need you, but what will happen once I give in? If you die, it'll be the same. You're going to hurt me anyway, with never having any intention of causing the painful consequences."

"That's what this is really about, then? My illness?"

Anna turned away from me and lightly nodded her head.

"I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have. I understand if the cancer is too much."

"That's not all of it. The cancer is part of it, but it's not the thing that's too much; it's that I love you way more than is good for either of us."

"You... You love me?" I vaguely wondered if I heard her correctly.

"I...uhm… well-" She stuttered out, caught off guard by my intricate perception. _I guess that's a yes._

Exasperated, I interrupted her. "You're admitting this, and you still can't forgive me?"

Anna rose from where she was collapsed in the sand and began to make her getaway.

"Don't get up. Don't run from me."

"Why should I listen to you? How do I know you just won't keep lying to me?" She turned to face me once more and our eyes met in a fierce clash of blue. "You've probably lied about a lot of things. I don't know _what_ to believe anymore."

"You can't. You can't know that. You just have to trust me."

Dry laughter bubbled up from her throat and burned in my ears. "Like you've earned it."

"Let me earn it back! You mean too much to me for either of us to let this end." My voice rose in pitch and I bit back a sob that weighed heavily on my chest. "This can't end."

Her pained face softened into an expression of pure torment. "You know I want to be with you. In every way."

I grabbed her hand and guided her back down into the sand. We sat cross-legged, facing each other with my palms resting on her knees. She watched me intently through her dark lashes, wet with tears, as I licked my lips nervously.

"So let me." She broke eye contact and her face fell to the sand at our feet. Absentmindedly, she traced triangular patterns in the tiny grains, falling deeply into her own thoughts.

I leaned forward and brushed an unruly strand of hair behind her ear.

"But-" she started, but I interrupted her mouth with my own. She gave in easily to the kiss, returning it with a slow and soothing passion.

She broke away and pulled me into a hug. I could feel her pulse through the soft fabric of her sweater and her breath was warm against my neck.

My heart felt light again and the burden of guilt began to lift from my shoulders. I sighed into her ear. "Thanks Anna," a lump rose in my throat. "...for giving me a second chance."

"Shhhh," She trapped my lips in another lingering kiss. "I would say please don't break my heart again, but I know that it's not completely in your power to make a promise like that."

"I'll try my best."

"I know you will."

It was peaceful in that moment, knowing that even if we weren't completely okay again, we eventually would be. Anna's head rested against my shoulder and I closed my eyes. We stayed like that for a while, content with enjoying the feeling of being in each other's arms.

I could see Kris from across the parking lot, happily sleeping in the driver's seat with his Dodgers cap pulled over his eyes.

I knew we couldn't stay there in the serene quiet forever, though. Eventually we would have to get in that car and go home to face the rest of our lives. There were things I needed to share with her, too. Important things.

She didn't look too surprised when I told her about the anonymous bone marrow donation.

"Good to hear." She smiled softly and let out a happy sigh. _Maybe she doesn't know what that means._

"I'm going to be ok!" I insisted, knowing that her reaction was off in some way.

"Yeah, I'm so happy for you." Her eyes were genuine, but her voice was not. _Maybe she knows something I don't. Or she can't process it. Or she's shocked?_

Our lips met again, however, and all wondering thoughts left my mind. I could only focus on the soft skin of her neck and the way she giggled into my mouth when I brushed my fingers against the bare skin between her sweater and her leggings.

It was all fun and games until my hands reached her hips and I felt a large bulge of cloth on the top of her left thigh.

I froze.

"Anna, what's this?" I lifted the red fabric and revealed a swath of white crisscrossing over her skin. "Why are you bandaged?" My tone was serious, straightforward.

The ghost of a laugh was still on her tongue. "Its nothing, Elsa. Just a scratch." Her voice cracked and I immediately knew she was lying.

"No. Its not." I withdrew my body from hers and we helped each other to our feet. "Its not a scratch. This has to do with you limping the other day, doesn't it? Tell me what happened. Who hurt you!?" I defensively demanded. A terrifying image of Hans hitting her flashed through my mind.

"No one hurt me, I promise."

"Then what is it? Did you fall? Do I need to take you to Urgent Care?"

"Calm down," she said, lowing her arms in a sign of non-aggression. "Its something Kris and I had talked about and planned for awhile"

_What the hell? What does my brother have to do with this? _"I'm confused."

"Kristoff took me to test out my blood type and marrow alleles tested. And then the last time you were in the hospital, I went to the lab to give the donation."

My heart was pounding out of my chest. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

She caught my hand and held it tightly, then pulled me into a bear hug.

"Yes, Elsa," She whispered in my ear. "I'm the anonymous donor."

...

A/N: Yeah yeah, I know, you saw that coming- but I had to! Sorry it's been so long, but thanks for all the birthday wishes, I had a fabulous day!

This chapter took me a good three days of writing and rewriting and arguing with my beta to get done- so you better freaking review it and let me know what you think. She said that the brutal honestly was a little much, but I beg to differ. Speaking from personal experience, I can say that there is no time to skirt around any issues when one has a terminal illness. Everything you say and everything said to you is insanely honest.

Anyway, let me know what you liked, disliked and what you'd like to see next! Any favorite scenes in the fic as a whole?

Charc-arts (tumblr) did some fantastic art for chapter twelve so you should go check her out- its fab! hmu on tumblr anytime, darlings (elsassassyeyebrow)

Have an awesome week, everyone!update soon!

Always,

Jessica


	16. Chapter 16: Clemency

Don't Wake Me Up

Chapter 16: Clemency

Elsa and I slowly but surely turned back into our old selves. What had happened between us had broken my trust for her, but I think it was meant to happen.

Because of our conversation, she knew how I felt and I knew all of her hang-ups, too. It was a good place to move forward from, and Elsa was doing her darnedest to make it up to me: dinner by candlelight, a bouquet of climbing roses, among other loving gestures.

Waking up next to Elsa the morning after she brought me back felt so off at first. I mean, I was inches away from someone who had torn my heart in half, and I was giving her another chance?

But as soon as her fingers began to trace small circles on the bare skin of my back, I began to relax. Giving into her ministrations, I turned over to face her. She smiled, sweet and sly, as she brushed a mess of hair out of my eyes and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Are we ok?" She asked.

"Almost," I told her through soft breaths. "We are almost ok."

"Ok, good." She breathed a sigh of relief and pulled me into a hug. I could feel the smooth satin of her skimpy nightgown brush sensually against my skin. Placing a hand on the curve of her hip, I drew our bodies closer together.

I heard a heavy breath hitch in her throat. "I, uh..." Her eyes widened and she gulped. "I need to use the bathroom." Elsa hurriedly threw the covers off from herself and scampered from the room.

I vaguely wondered if I had done something wrong to spook her. In her long absence, I slid onto my back and stared at the ceiling. My mind began to wonder as I thought about us; about where our relationship was headed and what that really meant. _Is she my girlfriend_? _Just dating? Slightly more than friends?_

A few slow minutes passed before I bothered to check the time on the clock at her bedside table. _5:06 a.m_., it told me in green, blocked, lettering.

Elsa emerged from the bathroom while I was still deep in thought. She had wrapped a fluffy, white robe around herself and stood at the foot of the bed, arms clenched around her sides.

"You don't want to sleep in?" I inquired with a sheepish grin.

"I want to show you something," she answered simply, handing me a red robe like the one she was wearing. "Put on some shoes, too."

"Oh, ok." I slipped my cold feet into a pair of Uggs and sighed in pleasure as I slid the soft robe on. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front door. Wordlessly, we exited the first floor apartment and headed up a couple flights of stairs toward the roof.

As we came out on the flat top of the building, I felt the cold morning breeze whip at my hair and I shivered. We settled next to each other near the edge of the roof, sitting cross-legged and hand in hand.

We watched intently as the sun peaked over a green hillside in the distance and illuminated the thick fog below. Hues of pink and orange danced through the low hanging clouds as it rose higher and higher into the sky.

"It's breathtaking," I told her as I rested my head against her shoulder.

"Yeah. I thought you'd like it." She rubbed her thumb over our clasped hands and pecked a kiss on my cheek. "And I know that there's been something we have to talk about that you've been avoiding ever since you brought it up yesterday."

My heartbeat started to pick up in pace. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about donating my marrow for Elsa, it's that I knew how she would react. And I didn't want to have that conversation.

"I can't believe you went through that pain for me- and didn't say a word about it!" Her voice rose out of whisper and I pulled my head off of her shoulder to make uneasy eye contact.

"Of course I did, Elsa. You needed saving. You were running out of time."

"But, why? You're hurt now! I read up on those donations, they take forever to heal and recover."

"Some people are worth hurting for." I paused, taking in the conflicted reaction on her face. "You would have done the same thing for me in a heartbeat and you know it."

"I know, but-"

"And because I love you." I wanted to slap myself in the face for saying it again. I should have known better than to bring it up after she hadn't reciprocated my confession the day prior. The fact that she didn't return my sentiments stung like acid in my heart.

She silently leaned forward and squeezed my hand as she captured my mouth in a kiss.

"There's something else, too," she quickly changed the subject. "Your mother."

"What about her?" I didn't really mean to, but my voice took on a defensive tone.

"She wants to meet you."

"I don't have anything to say to the woman who clearly abandoned me. Seriously. No desire to meet her."

"Really? You don't have any questions for her? Like about your dad or where you're from?" Elsa really didn't understand where I was coming from. _Why do I need to meet my mom? After all, I've lived this long without her._

"No, Elsa. I don't need her."

We watched the sunrise for a little longer before she spoke again.

"Would you do it for me?" She asked in a whisper, eyes trained on the floor.

"Why do you care if I meet her or not?" I suspected why she did, but I asked anyway. I was scared that her reasoning had something to do with her cancer. She was afraid that I wouldn't have anyone to fall back on if she died.

"Why don't you?" She countered, raising an eyebrow.

"Fine," I grumbled, defeated. "But only for you."

A ridiculously happy smile spread across her face at the news of me caving into her wishes.

"Good." She pulled me back into her embrace held me close. I sighed and snuggled my head back into the crook of her neck. "Thank you."

"Only for you," I repeated, enjoying the sound of her heartbeat as it echoed through my ears. "Only for you."

...

A mere few hours later Elsa and I were walking into the stark clean lobby of my mother's therapist's office downtown.

I didn't think that I would have to confront her for another couple of days, but one phone call from Elsa and they had an appointment set up right away. I guess she had been chomping at the bit to see me.

"I was hoping it could just be me, you and your mom," the middle-aged therapist told me as we approached her desk, giving my blonde companion a weary look.

"I want Elsa with me or I'm not going in there at all. She's coming or no dice, lady." I could hear a snort of suppressed laughter behind me and knew that Elsa was amused by my determination.

"Alright, whatever will make you feel comfortable. And my name is Doctor Sovak, by the way." She whipped her long, grey hair around her shoulder and stood up on wobbling stilettos. "This way," she said, opening the door to the private room and motioning for us to enter.

On a brown, leather chair in the center of the room, as if it was her throne, sat the most overly gilded woman I ever laid eyes on. Her hair was pulled up into a tight bun with pearl pins sticking out every which way. Diamonds sparkled at every minuscule movement from her ears and on her wrists in multiple tennis bracelets. She wore a fitted blue dress that looked straight out of a Cosmopolitan magazine. Her french manicure tapped a perfect rhythm against the white snakeskin bag clutched tightly on her lap.

Just one glance and I already hated her.

"Anna? _Oh, darling_! You are so beautiful!" She exclaimed as she stood up and began to strut towards me, Tiffany necklace swinging side to side with every exaggerated stride.

At her proclamation of my appearance, I took a moment to assess myself and immediately knew she was sucking up to me. Ripped jeans and a beat up Freddie Mercury t-shirt didn't really seem to constitute "beautiful."

She squeezed my unresponsive body into a constricting hug and only let me go after realizing I wasn't too keen on reciprocating.

"Take a seat anywhere, girls," said the shrink as she settled into her own Lazy-Boy next to my mother. Elsa and I wordlessly sat in the love seat across from them.

The tension between us could have been cut with a knife. No, scratch that. A chainsaw.

After a few agonizingly awkward moments, Dr. Sovak spoke. "Whoever would like to start..."

"What can I call you?" I blurted out suddenly. "I don't really feel 'mommy' is an appropriate term of endearment."

"Hardly." Her face fell and I could tell she was biting back a frown. "You can call me Marianne if you wish. Marianne Sutton."

"So we _do_ have the same last name." I didn't know where the courage to even speak to her was coming from. I usually held steadfast to my hard exterior, but I felt like an exposed infant in the presence of my mother.

"Yes. That's why I'm surprised you haven't found me already." Her demeanor was unreadable, but her voice betrayed some disappointment. "It would have been so easy."

"Why would I want to see someone who abandoned me for 18 years? I've never really had any desire to grace you with any form of communication."

I was trying to hurt her, but her blank face held steady. "I see you have your father's…" She paused, twisting her mouth into a poisonous scowl as she searched for the expression. "…way with words."

"Enough." I asserted. "I came here to laugh at your excuses." Elsa rubbed her hand over my arm in an attempt to calm me down. It made me feel better having her at my side, but I was in the wrong state of mind to find any tranquility. "Start groveling so we can get this over with."

Marianne took a deep breath and hid her clenched fists in her lap. "I was young, Anna. You have to understand. I was _sixteen_."

"Oh."

"And your father was a student at the local community college."

"_Oh_," I repeated as I tried my best to put myself in her shoes and sympathize. I really was trying. But I couldn't find it in myself to forgive her now that I knew just how many mistakes she had made.

"I was young and stupid, Anna. Please understand," she said again, hoping that repetition might change my mind.

But I didn't give her the satisfaction of a direct answer. "Why now?"

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"After all this time," I breathed out slowly, trying to clear my head, "why are you doing this now?"

"Well. I wanted to see you. I want to get to know you. I'm at a good place in my life now and I want to share it with you."

She was skirting around the real issue, still. "That's a bunch of bull." I felt my throat constrict and my head ache as tears rushed to my eyes, but I swallowed them down quickly. "Why. Now." I annunciated it with some serious frustration and gusto.

Her shoulders fell and she sighed. "I'm on the campaign trail for city council. I really think it would be beneficial for everyone if you came with me to some events. Rub shoulders with important people."

"_Wait_." I let pure animosity seep into my voice as I realized what she was asking of me. "You just want to have me to improve your public image? Are you _fucking_ kidding me!?"

"Anna, watch your language!" The therapist chimed in feebly. But it was no use; she had already lost all control over the situation.

"It would be good for both of us!" She tried to defend herself. "We can help each other!"

"I don't need your _help_," I spat, standing up in rage. "I doubt that having a messed up, orphan, lesbian daughter would make anything better for you."

"Excuse me?" Her eyebrows furrowed and she bore a wide-eyed stare right through Elsa. "A lesbian?"

"What?" I gave her a sickeningly sweet fake smile. "Something wrong with that, _Marianne_?"

She was completely taken aback and stood up to match my height. The good doc couldn't do anything but watch in horror as her appointment turned from bad to worse.

"I am a practicing Christian woman, Anna. That confusion and sin is against everything I stand for." I couldn't believe what she was saying. I just stood there, seething, as Elsa tried to pull me back down on the couch. "This is my fault for putting you in the Foster System. That place clearly befuddles the mind. There are things we can do," my mother said, assuring herself more than anyone else. "Prayer and church. We can fix it."

"_How dare you_." It was hatred now. I hated her. And I wasn't doing anything to hide it. "How dare you, after all this time leaving me on my own, tell me how to live my life!"

"Anna, see reason," she begged. "Really-"

"_HOW DARE YOU TELL ME WHO I AM_!" I yelled defiantly before saying, "Come on, Elsa. We are leaving. I knew this was a mistake." My entire body was uncontrollably shaking.

Clearly distraught from the confrontation, Elsa took my demand to heart and bolted for the door. I turned one last time to the evil woman who stood before me. "Don't try to contact me. I'm done here. Have a nice life," I hissed with as much resentment as I could muster up.

"Anna Rose Sutton, you come back here _this instant_." Her words sounded eerily like something that should have been said to me as a child.

My middle finger shot up in her direction as I pivoted away from her and snorted out a dry laugh. And at that, I followed my companion out.

With one last act of aggression, I pushed violently at the door behind me, letting it slam in her face.

...

A/N: I apologize for taking so freaking long with this one... I had to write a 10,000 word annotated bibliography about the human genome for bio anthro.

I hope you are still reading and enjoying it! Let me know if you are...because I'm pretty in the dark with you guys unless you enlighten me. Let me know what you like, disliked, what you'd like to see next, or anything else! I'll attempt to update again within the next few days to make up for the long break. I have changed the rating to M for language in 16... not that there was much at all lmao. I might add smut later but I still haven't decided.

Hope everyone is doing well! Hmu on tumblr: elsassassyeyebrow

Always,

Jess


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